[Mr. DeMartino is returning graded papers to students]
I never thought I would say this, but the grades on these tests were miraculously above my low expectations.
I like a teacher with no ambitions for his students.
[looks at her test; the score is 100] Yeah, high standards only give us something to strive for.
[has a score of 66] Yes! I passed and I got the extra point!
[Mack has a score of 81; he rests his chin on his hand while the other football players loudly congratulate each other]
All right!
Kevvy? What's that "A" doing on your paper?
Why, Brittany, that's the most intelligent question you've asked all year.
Thanks!
Kevin?
I have an "A" because...I got a hundred?
That's right, Kevin. In fact, almost the entire football team, despite repeated cranial trauma and a chronic inability to solve the maze on the back of a cereal box, got a hundred!
Go, team, go!
Only Mr. Mackenzie got a "B"!
[less enthusiastically] Go, Mac, go...
[Kevin and the other football players cheer on except for Mack]
Forgive me my suspicions, but it's obvious that someone--Kevin--got a hold of the test beforehand--Kevin--which would account for the jimmied lock on my filing cabinet--Kevin!
But who does he really suspect?
That Jimmy guy?
Perhaps you would like to share with us your knowledge in this matter?
But I don't know anything.
Can't accuse him of lying there.
I think you do know something about the incident, Kevin. I think that if you didn't steal the test yourself, then you know who did, and is it not true that you needed an "A" to get off academic probation?
Nah, the coach said he'd fix my... I mean, hey, I studied!
[takes Kevin's test] Kevin, who were the principle players in the Teapot Dome scandal?
The New Orleans Saints?
Teapot Dome, Kevin, not Superdome!
Teapot... the New England Patriots!
How many teams are there in the NFL? I want to know if this is going to run into lunch.
[leans over Kevin] Where were you Monday afternoon?!
Um, hanging out with the team?
[football players agree with Kevin as the class bell rings]
Before you run off to your next class for your naps, know that unless the guilty party comes forth, everyone will receive an "F" on the test! Do I make myself clear?
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