[at the barber shop having his haircut] 1 haircut, my good man, and make me look dashing. Sounds like somebody's got a date. Well, hop up. I do have a date. She's cute, and she likes zombie spaghetti westerns, a cinematic subgenre of which I consider myself a connoisseur. We are going to see "A Fistful of Brains" tonight. She sounds like the perfect girl. Don't I know it. And pretty too.
Why do you have her driver's license?
To run a background check, make sure she's not a serial killer or an organ donor. They don't always wait till you're dead, you know. Possibly the future ex-Mrs. Dan if she plays her cards right.
Well, don't worry. I'll make sure you look nice and handsome for your date. [cuts his hair with a razor offscreen]
[inside the barber shop] NOOOO! You made me a monster!
Wait! You forgot your lollipop!
[runs off and hides his haircut using his shirt until he sees himself in the puddle] Maybe it's not so bad. [he walks off until he sees a lady with a baby as the baby cries at Dan's horrible haircut]
My apologies, sir. She is usually so calm. I am so sorry about your obviously horrible, grotesquely disfiguring accident. [the lady leaves]
BARBER!!!
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