Seven years ago, I was in Paris and I remember it exac -
Forget Paris!
All right, you stole my outgoing message on my answering machine.
What are you crazy? What are you nuts?
Listen, I know you're ethicial. I'm ethical. You know when people steal jokes you fuckin' hate that? I hate it when people fuckin' steal my outgoing message. I came up with that message.
You don't even know what you're talking about.
You have the same answering machine outgoing message!
That's my message!
I wrote it in Paris!
You wrote it in Paris?! I had that message seven years ago!
Bullshit! You know what? I wrote it seven and a half years ago!
Listen, whose memory are you going to trust? An ex-alcoholic? Or a person who was lucid 24 hours a day his whole life? (Laughing)
Do me a favor. Just please change it because it's really bothering me.
(Still laughing) What? I'm not.
Listen, people call me and they call you and they go "Oh well Larry David has the same thing." It's not fuckin' Larry David's, it's mine! I mean I don't have a wife, my parents are dead. You have a family!
Oh, oh. He doesn't have a wife and his parents are dead.
That's right! I hold on to these things.
(fakes crying) He doesn't have a wife and his parents are dead. Oh.
Do me a favor and change it.
(Continues fake-crying) Yeah I'll change it because you don't have a wife and your parents, your parents they're dead! They would have been 95 but they're dead!
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