“Dave Gets Boobs” quotes from Code Monkeys

Jerry

Dave, girlfriends let you see their boobs for free, I've been told.

Dave

Dude, that's the oldest lie in the book!

Jerry

There's a book?

Dave

Yes, Jerry, it's called the Book of Lies! The first chapter is, if you get a girlfriend, you get to see her boobs for free.

Jerry

Wait, you don't?

Dave

Hell no, dude! Girlfriends make you pay an emotional cost! You may not have to fork over money, but you gotta ask them questions like, "Um, how are you?" and "What are you doing?" and "Does this hurt?" and "Did you forget to take your pill?" and stuff like that. It's horrible!

Jerry

I don't know, Dave, I think it sounds kinda nice.

Jerry

Hi honey, I'm home!

Mary

Where's my dinner, bitch?

Jerry

Ow! Ow, stop it! Stop it, you're a monster!

Jerry

Oh man, even my dreams hate me.

Dave

Of course they do! You're a dick and you should start sucking cock. On the other hand, I am a problem solver, and I'm gonna solve this problem so I never have to pay for boobs again. But I'm gonna need some help!