[popping in and out of bathroom to taunt Abe and Gandhi] I will see you there. And by will, I mean won't. HA HA HA! / Because you're not invited. I, er, wasn't sure if I was clear on that earlier. So you're not. Invited that is. / TO MY PARTY!! / Forgot to wash my hands...
All S1
Characters
Abe LincolnWill Forte · 10 quotes
GandhiMichael McDonald · 8 quotes
Principal ScudworthPhil Lord · 8 quotes
JFKChris Miller · 4 quotes
Joan of ArcNicole Sullivan · 4 quotes
Tom GreenTom Green · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Abe Lincoln & Joan of Arc (2), Abe Lincoln & Tom Green (2), Gandhi & Joan of Arc (2)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
VGVan Gogh
[on phone] Sometimes I just turn the lights off in my room and cry.
I'm sorry, uh, Van Gogh, could you speak up?
VGVan Gogh
The only way I can cling to my sanity is that nobody knows how lonely I truly am.
[To crowd at party, snickering] He's sad...
CCrowd
[Laughs]
It's Hilarious!
VGVan Gogh
Wait, am I on speakerphone?
Hey, would Gandhi put somebody on speakerphone?
CCrowd
NO!
VGVan Gogh
This is Gandhi, how could you? [begins to tear up and his lower lip begins to quiver]
Hey man, Gandhi's anti-violence, not anti-comedy. [Hangs up] Whoo. Feels good to help people.
Your secret army of cloned historical figures is maturing according to schedule.
SFShadowy Figure
I'm sorry, Dr. Scudworth, is that a scale model behind you labelled "Dr. Scudworth's Evil Plan?"
Say, where'd you get those fresh Pumas, Bro?
SFShadowy Figure
Actually, we're sponsored by Puma. These bad boys are catalogue-only.
If you're implying that I plan to steal the clones away from you and use them in a clone-themed amusement park, then shame on you. By the by, could I have $2,000,000...you know, for dry erase markers and such...they've got some keen new colors like...kiwi...and mango...
SFShadowy Figure
For giggles, I'm going to keep saying "no" until you turn the TV off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no—
Right now all I can think about is not thinking about you over there on your thinking dock thinking about what you did.
I was only trying to help, Abe. You don't know what you're getting into...what she's getting you into.
You don't know what you're getting into, and that's out of my friendship. And do you know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot that hurts the second most, and it's from you backstabbing me. So maybe instead of the nail metaphor, I should have used a stabbing metaphor, but it's too late for that now, isn't it?
I guess it is.
That's where you're wrong, Joan. Because I'm going to win that election with the most dangerous campaign stunt since Dukakis jumped the snake river canyon. Goodbye, Joan. [Walks off dock into water. Gets back onto dock] ...Goodbye, Joan.
[Tom Green has just noticed Abe reading his book]
Hey, you're reading my book! Touch the book...lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Lick the book. Book. Book. Book. Book. Book. Yeah, I haven't read it either, people with ADD aren't good readers. Wanna go shave a dog?
My friend has ADD, and everyone at school treats him like some kind of leper.
Well, that's discrimination! Hey, do you wanna go take a dump in my parents' bed?
[Abe remains silent]
[Caws] I'm an albatross! I'm an albatross! I'm flap-flap-flapping my albatross wings, flap-flap-flapping my albatross wings...[falls out of window]...AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH-[pokes the skin on his elbow]-AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hi everybody, I'm Ottawa's Tom Green. I live in Hollywood.
[crowd claps]
Thank you. So, some of you have been mean to a kid with A.D.D. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone...coffee, anyone? Huh? Sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips! It's a Ferris wheel! So I guess what I'm trying to say is...
[sees a plastic bag blow by and runs after it]
...Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag!
Like Mister Green so eloquently said ...
WHO LIKES CHEESE?
Maybe we could have dinner. Perhaps the Olive Garden. It's like eating in the private kitchen of a delightful Italian stereotype!
SFShadowy Figure
We were thinking somewhere more...intimate. Your house, next Friday, no dairy. Please.
[transmission ends]
Dammit! I haven't been to the Olive Garden in, like, forever!
GWGeorge Washington Carver
Say what?
Cut. No! No, no, man, you're making me fall asleep... tah death, bro! 'K, the line is "Say whaaaaat?"
GWGeorge Washington Carver
Say what?
Say whaaaaat?
GWGeorge Washington Carver
Say what?
Say...
GWGeorge Washington Carver
Say...
Whaaa
GWGeorge Washington Carver
What?
Say whaaaaat?
GWGeorge Washington Carver
[Irritated] I! GANDHI! This character is not me!
Say whaaa...
GWGeorge Washington Carver
Stop it! Listen...
DPDoug Prepcourse
Sleep ought to be the number one thing on that list. I was in my 18 wheeler late one night, at about the sleepy hour, when I came across a cop, weaving all over the road. He was clearly too sleepy to drive. I tried to guide him off the road with my rig, but I think I over did it and sent that cop sailing off a cliff. [Laughs]
Did you kill him?
DPDoug Prepcourse
Kill him!? I saved his life... 'course, he's a cripple now.
[Pause] Hey, is that your rig? SWEET!
I don't know if I want a hamburger, hot dog, chili, or all of above.
DPDoug Prepcourse
Can you eliminate two of the options? If you can, go ahead and guess. Chances are, that's what you want.
It makes sense because it's real.
Gay foster dads, do you mind if I watch Will & Grace with you?
GFGay foster dad
But you usually watch SportsCenter up in your room, baby.
Well, I've been thinking of switching channels... and I'm a little scared.
GFGay foster dad
Getting into a new show can be a little uncomfortable, but once you get into the rhythm of it you'll be on your knees begging for more.
BTMr. Butler-tron
Your friend should listen to her heart. I'm not programmed to wink but if I were programmed to wink I would have winked when I said your friend.
My evil surgery certainly won't be disturbing at an expensive china store.
SPSkunky-Poo
Yoo-hoo! (Scudworth drops the tool and ends up hitting the clone, the clone screams in pain and his blood lands on lab coat. Scudworth's heart pumps and Skunky-Poo drops a dynamite)
Ma'am, I believe this lipstick of dynamite belongs to you! (The dynamite explodes in his face, Scudworth screams in agony) That dynamite really sparked! (Skunky-Poo unzips the disguise, sprays on his face and kisses)
SPSkunky-Poo
Try and catch me, bitch! (Runs away, all the china fall and shatter)
CLEO!!!!! (Cleopatra gasps) Don't get on that plane! (The conductor closes the door. Abe gasps) BUDDY HOLLY! Is there any room on your plane?
BHBuddy Holly
Well, let me see. It's me, Ritchie Valens, The Big Bopper, Jim Croce, Stevie Ray Vaughan and a half of Lynyrd Skynyrd. I guess there's any room for more.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Clone High pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.