Everybody, this is Reeny.
RRenée
It's not Reeny; is Renée. There's an accent above the second E. Renée.
RRenée
That's alright, it's an easy mistake to have made but it's Renée.
And I expect you really hate being called Reeny.
RRenée
Loath it. My friends at finishing school used to tease me about it all the time.
I see. How awful for you. I do apologise.
RRenée
Apology accepted.
Everybody this is...you sure this is ok?
This is Reeny. Reeny is going to be helping us out here in the kitchen. En't that right, lass? Reeny will in time, no doubt, become a valued member of the kitchen staff, but seeing as Reeny is not as yet experienced, I want you to make sure Reeny learns the ropes as I'm sure she wants to. Eee, there's nowt so funny as folk, en't that right, Reeny?
Janice, don't hang up. I just want to say I miss you and I love and I want to feel your body next to mine, I want to make love to you, I want to lick chocolate from all over your body I... Is this 712494? No wait, don't hang up. Do you deliver?
CCyril
She's got lots of good qualities.
CCyril
Well...She's ever so pretty.
Do you know I was forgetting the prettiness factor? Yes, I remember when Gustav started working here. It wasn't that he was a great chef and he'd worked in some of the finest kitchens in the world. Oh no. We wanted him because he was so bloody pretty!
CyrilAlright, keep yer hair on son. [leaves]
I am not your son. I will never ever be your son. Cyril, have you got 50p? Cyril? Dad?
S3 E3Lessons in Talking
[Gareth starts clicking his fingers at two rude customers]
You know, I can't decide what this is. Either you're being very rude in gaining my attention or you're auditioning for a part in West Side Story or you're being very rude in trying to gain my attention.
[Gareth and Janice have ended up in bed with a little help from a Barry White LP]
BWBarry White
[The record is stuck] I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby.
[Gareth stops record]
S3 E4Love in the Air
It's a letter from my father. He's coming to visit.
As gittish as ever. In fact, if there was a Hall of Fame for Gits, my father would be revered as the gold-plated, gilt-edged git god of all time. I loathe him more than Gary Rhodes's hair cut.
You're not still vexed with him, are you, Chef?
Vexed? Everton, when I was ten years old my father went round the corner to buy a newspaper. He never came back.
It's a shame you're gonna have to tell your Dad about you and Janice splitting up.
Nah, not at all. We'll just have one of those intimate father-son moments where I break down and confess all, and he takes me in his broad, fatherly arms and says comforting things like: (Jamaican accent) "Heh heh heh, you finally cocked things up this time, ain't it? I tell you that girl was too hoity-toity for you. But you wouldn't listen. Well, she hoity-toity all the way out the front door now! Heh heh heh!"
S3 E5Rochelle
She was kissing a man. We're talking first degree snogging here Cyril.
S3 E6Paris? Jamaica?
[Cyril enters the kitchen with flowers, which Gareth decapitates]
I'm not a cruel man, Cyril.
Sometimes, one needs to get ones point across in a short space of time. Cyril, Savannah does not want to be and never will be your Valentine, your sweetheart or your squidgy love bundle.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Chef! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
