Gareth and Everton in “Love in the Air”

It's a letter from my father. He's coming to visit.

Oh, is he? How is he?

As gittish as ever. In fact, if there was a Hall of Fame for Gits, my father would be revered as the gold-plated, gilt-edged git god of all time. I loathe him more than Gary Rhodes's hair cut.

You're not still vexed with him, are you, Chef?

Vexed? Everton, when I was ten years old my father went round the corner to buy a newspaper. He never came back.