Four partridge. One "well done". Debra, ruin a partridge for me, please. Dry it out, destroy its texture, spoil its taste. Wantonly cast its very partridgeness to the four winds to satisfy this barbarian, this Visigoth, this Viking who has presumably ordered it because the knowledge that I am weeping in the kitchen brings him pleasure.
Alphonse! Where's Alphonse? Bring it to me at once, alive! And I want him in chains. Alphonse!
AAlphonse
Oui, Chef?
I am not a wine expert, Alphonse, but even I have no difficulty in identifying rat's piss when I taste it and this isn't even vintage rat's piss. Were I running Gazza's Fish Shop as so many people here seem to think I am, I wouldn't let my customers shake this over their chips. The person who thinks this is good enough to cook with, Alphonse, is a grape-brained milliwit!
Gaston, if you do not hop it tout suite I will frape votre teeth so far down votre gorge, you will be able to mange avec your derrière as well as parlezing out of it.
That's right, Everton. Put the eggs and the olive oil on the seat under everything else. That way by the time we get there if we're lucky the mayonnaise will have made itself.
GGaston
Hello, Rosbif.
Not here, mate. Try another kitchen.
GGaston
You have to start boiling your vegetables now or they will not be soggy and tasteless in time.
Who's Rosbif?
We are, Everton.
You mean they call us Rosbifs like we call them fr...
Everton, don't stoop to their level.
GGaston
So what you do, Rosbifs? Le grey bouf with ze soft cabbage and ze Rice Pudding with ze nice lumps? [reads menu] Wine sauce?
That's right.
GGaston
But what is this wine?
I'm sure you've heard of it. It's an alcoholic drink made with fermented grapes.
GGaston
But you must use ingredients anglais, Monsieur.
It is English, Monsieur.
GGaston
What is English?
Having trouble with the old second tongue are we? It is English wine.
GGaston
Le vin anglais? [laughs] Le vin Rosbif? My friend, you have won this contest already. No one else has this great advantage.
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