Gareth and Alphonse in “England Expects”

Alphonse! Where's Alphonse? Bring it to me at once, alive! And I want him in chains. Alphonse!

Oui, Chef?

I am not a wine expert, Alphonse, but even I have no difficulty in identifying rat's piss when I taste it and this isn't even vintage rat's piss. Were I running Gazza's Fish Shop as so many people here seem to think I am, I wouldn't let my customers shake this over their chips. The person who thinks this is good enough to cook with, Alphonse, is a grape-brained milliwit!