“Do the Right Thing” quotes from Chef!

Gareth

The partridge I want is one which has eaten wild food and lived a wild life, has struggled, hoped and dreamed, has sown wild oats, has tasted the bitter disappointment of middle age, and knows what it is to eyeball The Grim Reaper in the watches of the night; the partridge sunk in the veil of years, with all the flavours of its rich eventful life captured in its texture, its juice, its very flesh. I do not want this callow, milk-fed, adolescent, uncouth, undeveloped wodge of protein. I don't believe in eating virgins! This partridge.

Everton

Yeah, that's right, Chef.

Gareth

This partridge on the other hand.

Everton

Got its leg well over, I shouldn't wonder.

Janice

Out?

Gareth

Yes, out. You remember out. You go through this door, the temperature drops suddenly and the scenery changes.

You have a cracked tile on your wall, Mr Blackstock. It was there last month.

Gareth

A cracked tile?

Just above the skirting board.

Gareth

Should I evacuate the building?

Just have it replaced by next time.

Gareth

Just tell me how is a cracked tile going to wipe out my clientèle?

Bacteria collects in the cracks. Food may come into contact with it.

Gareth

Ah, but bacteria may collect in the grout, all over the kitchen. They've got us surrounded, these bacteria.

That's so, Mr Blackstock. Which is why, as from next year, it will no longer be acceptable.

Gareth

What...?

As from next year...

Gareth

You don't mean they're going to outlaw grouting?!

Exactly. Continuous impervious surfacing will be mandatory.

Gareth

Well that's it isn't it, really? I mean that's the bottom line. That's what you people want, all over the planet: continuous impervious surfacing. Only trouble is, if it ever did break, health inspectors would collect in the cracks!

Gareth Henry Blackstock?

Gareth

I am indeed, and I'm in the middle of service. So, if you don't vacate my kitchen immediately, I'll serve some warm cheese on a wooden chopping board and you won't see the morning.

Gareth Henry Blackstock...

Gareth

I'll set my cracked tile loose on you!

My name is...

Gareth

Problems with the hearing, eh? There's the door. You: walk through it, closey-closey after you. Otherwise, blood everywhere. Even in the grouting. Grieving relatives. Orphaned children. Long court case. Acquittal due to extreme provocation. Compensatory award to me from public funds. Bad business all round. Nuf said? And if you have any further business with me, I'll see you in an hour or so. Goodbye.

Gareth

Once this gadget is in the salmon, they can track it to study fish migration. I mean they can follow salmon now from a helicopter. They have made many remarkable discoveries, but even so they were very surprised when they detected a mature salmon travelling at 58 miles an hour down the A40. I think it was then that they perhaps thought something other than fish hormones might be at work.