Janice quotes from Chef!

Janice

(to Gareth) This child of yours, it's going to be the male version of the immaculate birth, is it?

Janice

Those things he said about you when you came top at school when you were nine.

Gareth

Yes. (Jamaican Accent) "Have to move de boy to a better school. The other children must be as thick as pig shit." (normal) Then when I won the sprint: (Jamaican) "Well, he gets so much practice running away from an honest days work!

Janice

How's it going?

Gareth

(smiles) Everton's making some wonderful things.

Janice

Good!

Gareth

His dumplings are a dream, his Guinness Punch is to die for. (expression breaks) It's hell. Hell! He's such an insufferably cocky little smarty-pants I want to smack him in the gob! I hate him. I wish I'd never heard of Caribbean food.

Janice

Then don't do it.

Gareth

I must! My father is bringing his latest floozy, Dorothy, on this special night. She loves West Indian food. We will serve the finest the world has ever known. He won't be able to slag it off because she will be in ecstasies with every mouthful and he'll have to admit it's the best he's ever had. Te-he. Stubborn little git!

Janice

Out?

Gareth

Yes, out. You remember out. You go through this door, the temperature drops suddenly and the scenery changes.

Gareth

Now, about the poultry...

Janice

Screw the poultry, Gareth!

Gareth

We live in a small community, Janice. People would talk.

Gareth

He dies. Everton Stonehead RIP.

Janice

Now, Gareth...

Gareth

Look at that! It's not a person; it's a smirk on legs. He's unbearable! Two years of being a useless pain in the arse in my kitchen and now this.

Janice

Now, Gareth...

Gareth

And listen to this: "I do feel the restraints of not having my own kitchen and having to conform to a dated and restricted cuisine!"

Janice

Now, Gareth, don't sack him straight away.

Gareth

I'm not going to sack him straight away. I'm going to kill him straight away. Slowly and wickedly, revealing a hitherto unsuspected vicious strain of sadism in my psychological make-up.

Janice

Unsuspected?

Gareth

Then I'll sack him, appending his P45 to his mutilated remains as a compassionate gesture, so only his nearest and dearest can identify him.

Gareth

What a disaster.

Janice

I know.

Gareth

In my own restaurant. This is all your fault.

Janice

That's right blame me.

Gareth

Well I do blame you. Give him a little rope you said, now look what's happened.

Janice

I know!

Gareth

Everything absolutely...perfect!