Do you know, I was thinking the other day about how kitchens used to be in olden times. Little things we used to do back that we've all but forgotten about since, like, for example, how we used to clean them from time to time. Piers! You see, this is my explanation for why the surfaces in this kitchen are so low: it's the foot or two of crap we've accumulated underfoot, making us seem that much taller. Piers, dear heart, you've found a brush! How wonderful. Haven't seen one of those since I was a small boy. Where did you get it? The Science Museum? Go carefully, Piers; there may be a Roman Mosaic hidden underneath.
No! What is that?
This is hollandaise sauce, Chef.
What for?
For this Dover sole.
No, no, no, Everton! A little herb butter. What is the essence of cooking?
Ingredients? Timing? Cleanliness?
Restraint. This Dover sole needs that hollandaise sauce like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel needs a coat of brilliant white emulsion.
Gareth's father has made an unwelcome return
Those things he said about you when you came top at school when you were nine.
Yes. (Jamaican Accent) "Have to move de boy to a better school. The other children must be as thick as pig shit." (normal) Then when I won the sprint: (Jamaican) "Well, he gets so much practice running away from an honest days work!
While preparing his famous dumplings, Everton requests that his colleagues look away
Everton, let's get a couple of things straight. I am Chef de Cuisine, this is my kitchen.
Of course.
You have learned all my recipes.
Well...
Recipes which have won this place two Michelin stars. Recipes which will remain your faithful standbys all your cooking career.
I know...
And I'm not allowed to learn (Jamaican accent) Uncle Ivan's secret to his dumpling?
He made me promise on my honour sort of thing.
Everton, I am not going to turn my back in my own kitchen!
How's it going?
(smiles) Everton's making some wonderful things.
Good!
His dumplings are a dream, his Guinness Punch is to die for. (expression breaks) It's hell. Hell! He's such an insufferably cocky little smarty-pants I want to smack him in the gob! I hate him. I wish I'd never heard of Caribbean food.
Then don't do it.
I must! My father is bringing his latest floozy, Dorothy, on this special night. She loves West Indian food. We will serve the finest the world has ever known. He won't be able to slag it off because she will be in ecstasies with every mouthful and he'll have to admit it's the best he's ever had. Te-he. Stubborn little git!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Chef! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.