Gareth quotes from Chef!

She's got lots of good qualities.

Gareth

Like?

Well...She's ever so pretty.

Gareth

Do you know I was forgetting the prettiness factor? Yes, I remember when Gustav started working here. It wasn't that he was a great chef and he'd worked in some of the finest kitchens in the world. Oh no. We wanted him because he was so bloody pretty!

But he's ugly.

Gareth

Ahh!

Gareth

I am not your son. I will never ever be your son. Cyril, have you got 50p? Cyril? Dad?

[The record is stuck] I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baby.

Gareth

Thanks, Barry.

Gareth

It's a letter from my father. He's coming to visit.

Everton

Oh, is he? How is he?

Gareth

As gittish as ever. In fact, if there was a Hall of Fame for Gits, my father would be revered as the gold-plated, gilt-edged git god of all time. I loathe him more than Gary Rhodes's hair cut.

Everton

You're not still vexed with him, are you, Chef?

Gareth

Vexed? Everton, when I was ten years old my father went round the corner to buy a newspaper. He never came back.

Everton

It's a shame you're gonna have to tell your Dad about you and Janice splitting up.

Gareth

Nah, not at all. We'll just have one of those intimate father-son moments where I break down and confess all, and he takes me in his broad, fatherly arms and says comforting things like: (Jamaican accent) "Heh heh heh, you finally cocked things up this time, ain't it? I tell you that girl was too hoity-toity for you. But you wouldn't listen. Well, she hoity-toity all the way out the front door now! Heh heh heh!"

Gareth

I'm not a cruel man, Cyril.

Yes, you are.

Gareth

Sometimes, one needs to get ones point across in a short space of time. Cyril, Savannah does not want to be and never will be your Valentine, your sweetheart or your squidgy love bundle.

But we snogged.