Simon quotes from Captain N: The Game Master

Simon

(under the effects of a love arrow) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One is for your little button-nose. Two is for your cute little twinkle-toes. Three is...

Mother Brain: Enough! I want the truth this time! What is your real plan?

Simon: All right, I'll tell you. My plan is to hug and kiss those cute little wrinkles on your brain!

Simon

But Medusa's even uglier than Mother Brain! One look at her face turns a man to stone!

Kevin: Look on the bright side, Simon. You'd make a very handsome statue.

Simon: Oh, yes! I would, wouldn't I?

Simon

Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast! (pulls out a golf club and gets ready to hit the lizard)

Kevin: Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job?

Simon: You're absolutely right. (throws the golf club aside, pulls out a rocket launcher, and points it at the lizard)

Simon

(as the baby dragon licks him) Knock it off! I'm not your mother!

Kevin: No, but you probably smell like her.

Simon

Who am I?

Kevin: You're Simon Belmont, the vampire hunter.

Simon: No, no, I'm definitely not him. I'd never forget a name like that.

Simon

Stop! I belong in the jungle!

Kevin: You belong in a cage, maybe, but not the jungle!

Simon

Hey, cut it out. That tickles.

Lana: What tickles?

Simon: Well, there's a little fish nibbling my toe. That's a naughty little fellow. Simon says stop tickling my toes. (The Swamp Creature pops out.) Oh, I didn't mean it. You can tickle them all you want.

Simon, Link and Kid Icarus are working on a fake dragon to infiltrate Dragonlord's army. Enemies attack Simon

Simon

AUGH!

Link, Zelda and Kid Icarus kill enemies.

Simon

Thank you for the rescue, everyone.

Simon gets up and proceeds toward work site

Simon

But let us return to our duties. The dragon is not going to build itself.

Others give each looks as in "he is right, you know"

Simon

No problem, just leave that to these disguises.

King Hippo is in a whirlpool bath. Simon approaches wearing a toga, sunglasses and a brunette wig. Pit is wearing a football helmet, masking his appearance

King Hippo

You must be the steam bath repairman I called. Get to work, I am barely sweating!

Simon

No worries, I will get that fixed with the help of my faithful assistant, Shrimpicus! Will you hand me the crescent wrench?