(pointing at Jesus on cross) I was just having a little chat with your husband here.
NNun
Is there anything that I can help you with?
Oh no, I don't want to bother a real live person about it.
“Pilot” · Season 1
In this episode: Hank Moody (15), Karen (2), Becca Moody (1)
Well, to make a long story short, I can't write, which kinda sucks, since I'm supposed to be a writer. And a professional one at that.
[getting a blow job from a nun] Sweet baby Jesus, Hank is going to hell.
Near the vaganus? That's weird. Well, I can take a hint. I just so happen to have my GPS with me. I stored it up my ass, yes.
Maybe I should hide under your clit, he'll never find me there.
Father?
Daughter?
Why is there a naked lady in your room?
Uh... You. Stay... Right here.
There's no hair on her vagina. Do you think she's okay?
I'll check.
So, not only are you a cadaverous lay, you also have a shitty taste in movies.
[getting the Evil Eye from Karen] Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.
I’m fine, I’m disgusted with my life and my self. But I’m not unhappy about that. How are you?
It's not whether you win or you lose, it's how you play the game.
Now don't I get some say in this?
No!
Are you sure? Because it seems like I should.
It looks like we're the proud parents of a lesbian daughter. Up high! What? You're ashamed of our lesbian daughter?
Well, she does take after her mother. [Whispering] The make-up and the slutty clothes.
Oh because you're in love with me and you want to have like 10,000 of my babies.
Marry me. Don't marry him.
What?
Marry me.
Don't fuck with me.
I'm not fucking with you, I don't work without you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Californication pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.