Hank Moody quotes from Californication

Hank Moody

Well, to make a long story short, I can't write, which kinda sucks, since I'm supposed to be a writer. And a professional one at that.

Hank Moody

[getting a blow job from a nun] Sweet baby Jesus, Hank is going to hell.

Hank Moody

Near the vaganus? That's weird. Well, I can take a hint. I just so happen to have my GPS with me. I stored it up my ass, yes.

Hank Moody

Maybe I should hide under your clit, he'll never find me there.

Hank Moody

So, not only are you a cadaverous lay, you also have a shitty taste in movies.

Hank Moody

[getting the Evil Eye from Karen] Oh, I know that look. That's the look that shrivels me testes.

Hank Moody

I’m fine, I’m disgusted with my life and my self. But I’m not unhappy about that. How are you?

Hank Moody

It's not whether you win or you lose, it's how you play the game.

Hank Moody

It looks like we're the proud parents of a lesbian daughter. Up high! What? You're ashamed of our lesbian daughter?

Hank Moody

Well, she does take after her mother. [Whispering] The make-up and the slutty clothes.

Hank Moody

Oh because you're in love with me and you want to have like 10,000 of my babies.

Hank Moody

Hell-A Magazine blog number 1. Hank hates you all. A few things I've learned on my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One, a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two, I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And 3, while I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's Playboy bush or anything. Just something that reminds me that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is why is the city of angels so hell bent on destroying its female population.

Hank Moody

[looking in a bathroom mirror] Nobody likes you, you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.

Hank Moody

Well, your breasts are obviously real... and... eh... you have an abundance of pubic hair, which is really nice and... eh... there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. I'd say, aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long, long time

Hank Moody

I'm a writer. Non-practicing.