Bottom Season 1 quotes

Wait, there's something written on the side. [reads] "Le Danger"..."Le Nuclear Bombe". Shit, it's all in French.

You stupid fucking ring-sausage!

Well, then, I think it's our duty Eddie, as citizens of the world, yes, but above all as Englishmen, with a song in our hearts and a twinkle in our eye and major league tackle in our M & S Y's, to defuse this bomb.

Don't you mean it's our duty as lily-livered yellow-trousered shit-your-pants scared-o girlies, who've just discovered they're sharing a very tiny island with a 15-megaton nuclear device, to defuse this bomb?

There is that.

I see your point.

Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up. I can see they're up. Oh, I see your point!

Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up. I can see they're up. Oh, I see your point!

Why? Have my trousers fallen down? No, they're up. I can see they're up. Oh, I see your point!

Why? Have my trousers fallen down?... Help! Help! Rich! We're stuck in a sort of knob gag Bermuda Triangle!

Quickly! Change routine! Change routine!

Oh, look! Knackers!

All we have to do now is keep quiet and very still.

How long for?

Until the end of time.

Righto.

I'm also going to fleetingly return to the script, if that's alright with you.

You thorough and total wank biscuit!

How did you actually catch this fish?

I didn't actually catch it Eddie, no. No, no, no, no, no, I sort of found it. It was floating upside-down on the surface of the water.

So it was dead already?

Well it was on its way out, yes. It was coughing very violently, bringing up this extraordinary yellow bile. It had this wild panicked look in its eyes, and it was foaming at the gills.

Was this in Bluffman's Cove?

Sort of, sort of. It was in the latrine.

So when you ask me, [impersonating Eddie] "Uh, what's for breakfast?" I would say 'something a little unusual.

What, like a really crap impression of me? All of a sudden? 10 weeks into the tour? Just 'cos the cameras are on?

Hey Norman, last week my wife had both her hands severed in a serious industrial accident.

Really, how did she feel?

She can't! She hasn't got any hands left!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yeah, I'd like to see one of today's young, slim, modern comedians do that joke.

Yeah, why's that?

'Cos it's shit!

You're not wrong there, matey!

Well, how d'you know they're cannibals?

Old jungle trick, Eddie. Big cannibal giveaway. They're cooking someone in a pot.

No, he's just having a bath, isn't he?

What, with an onion up his bum?

He could be French.

ufasa retanga eranu uvavu

Eddie, have you been stealing material again?

Oh, Eddie, think what we're missing... like a script!

Well... we're not so much missing a script, are we, it's just that you can't fucking remember it.

Hey, if you could be anyone in the world, who would it be?

Angus Deayton

Angus Deayton, why?

Because he's got autocue.

Oh yeah, lucky bastard.

Yes, you could have done with that tonight, couldn't you?

[Over-dramatic] Oh, fate! Ohhh, nemesis!

Ohhhhhh, fuck.