A character in Bottom
Hedgehog
Bottom · 180 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Bottom: in 6 of its 180 quotes
Most scenes with: Eddie (6), Spudgun (5), Richie (4)
What did medieval people do before telly?
Well, they probably had their tea, didn't they?
No, before telly was invented.
Oh, they had cock-fights.
No wonder they all got the plague.
What was your name again?
Spudgun.
Spudgun? Why do they call you Spudgun?
Give me a potato and I'll show you why.
No Richie, you don't want to see that.
Well, why do they call you hedgehog?
Give me a hedgehog and I'll show you why.
[Eddie is watching his highlight tape of Emmerdale Farm with his friends]
That's him, that's the one! BASTARD! I hate 'im!
[looking around] Who?
[pointing at the screen] No, that one there! The extra! He never says anything, he just drinks all day. Look at 'im! Look! He's going to buy another drink!
Is that his own money?
No! No. They fill his pockets full of change, push him into The Woolpack, and shout "Go on mate! Drink as much as you like!". And then at closing time they give him a wage packet. [Shouting at the television] LUCKY BASTARD!
I think his nappy needs changing.
What?
Yeah, go on Richie. I mean, you're his... mother.
Ah, come on, guys! This is the twentieth century, it's not fair!
But we are not worthy, oh holy one.
Yeah, yeah that's right, oh chosen thing.
Right, oh one... what he said.
What do you mean, "what he said"? I thought you were supposed to be a wise man!
Merry Christmas everyone.
Yes, Merry Christmas one and all! [Spudgun and Richie gulp their drinks down; Eddie throws his over his shoulder.]
What, is it Christmas? Today? Oh, Merry Christmas then. That must be why that woman gave me that after-shave this morning.
What woman?
Oh, you know, that old woman who keeps hanging around the place. You know Eddie, what's her name; my wife. Andrea. No no, Avril, that's it. No, what am I thinking of, Susan! That's the one!
So, Eddie...
Uh-uh, my name is... Deirdre Barlow.
So's mine
Mine too.
(pointing to Richie) And his.
Well, Deirdres, Skullcrusher is very, very angry with you.
Should we send him some flowers?
No, I'm afraid it's beyond flowers. [Richie gulps] Basically, he says that unless you stop printing, and come up with five grand by closing time tonight, he's gonna come around and crush your skulls.
Is that bad?
And... that's why they call him the Skullcrusher...
Exactly! So, until tonight, gentlemen.
I think I'd better go to the lavvy.
Me too.
And me!
I've just been.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bottom pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
