Kim Wexler quotes from Better Call Saul

Jimmy

Wolves and sheep.

Kim

Huh?

Jimmy

...Nothing.

Jimmy

What's going on?

Kim

I have news, Jimmy. Lalo is dead.

Jimmy

[exhales deeply] Holy shit.

Kim

The DA's office put it together that Lalo was calling himself De Guzman. They are pretty upset they let him go.

Jimmy

I'll bet they are.

Kim

Ericsen seems to think that if Lalo lied to you and you didn't know about the pseudonym, that you could break confidentiality. She wants you to talk. She says it's right.

Jimmy

Well, what do you think we should do?

Kim

You... should do whatever you want, Jimmy. They don't have anything on you. It's just a fishing expedition to see if you bite.

Jimmy

[pause] You think I should do it?

Kim

It depends.

Jimmy

On what?

Kim

Well... [sighs] I guess it's basically... Do you want to be a friend of the cartel or... do you want to be a rat?

Jimmy

So, I pull the Jag into the loading zone. And I start scrappin' with this hunk of metal. It was in deep—like, "down a well" deep—so I just... wrassled it! UGH! [Kim laughs hysterically] Like a freakin' bear, and I jam it in the dirt in front of the Jag! Boom! Barely made it out of there with the skin of my teeth. Who moves cones? Who does that?

Kim

Narcissists.

Jimmy

Heh, you're damn right. So you think Cliff really bought it, huh?

Kim

One hundred percent! You should've seen his face. It landed, trust me. God, it was... beautiful. [pause] Oh, and that is not all.

Jimmy

Spill.

Kim

So... I'm doing the stall. I'm telling Cliff what I'm doing—what I wanna be doing. All I'm thinking is, I gotta stretch this out until you get there, but then... I don't know. I... kinda got caught up in it, and then... Cliff went for it. I mean, like, really went for it.

Jimmy

What does that mean? Like, money?

Kim

I don't think he'll write a check himself, but he knows people. And I think he'll deliver.

Jimmy

You're kidding!

Kim

I know! How great is that?

Jimmy

This is unbelievable. [Kim laughs] Are we on a roll, or are we on a roll? Jeez!

Kim

[beat] You ever feel like you're being followed? [pause] When I dropped Wendy off at the motel, she thought she was being watched by some undercover cops. But then when I drove away... that same car was behind me. Right after I spotted them, they disappeared.

Jimmy

Well, you know what they say: The wicked flee where no man pursueth.

Kim

...You think we're wicked?

Jimmy

No. What? [chuckles] It's just a turn of phrase. I think you're wicked hot. [pause] Alright. Listen to the voice of experience, okay? You know why you're feeling like this? Because we got away with it. It seems too good to be true, but trust me. Nobody is following you. [takes Kim's hand] No one knows what we're doing except for us. Okay?

Kim

[pause] Okay.

Mike

They're gone.

Kim

I'm sorry?

Mike

The two men that were following you. They're gone.

Kim

Do I know you?

Mike

Would you mind sitting for a moment, and I will answer any questions I can. [pause; Kim sits down next to Mike] I have men watching you and your husband. I'm not with the police, and as far as I know, they're not investigating either of you. I do know that you've been up to a few things that you probably would rather keep private. I don't care. That's not what this is about. I'm trying to solve a problem of my own.

Kim

What problem?

Mike

Lalo Salamanca.

Kim

Lalo Salamanca's dead. [beat; Mike says nothing and stares at Kim] He... isn't.

Mike

We're watching anyone he might contact. That includes you and your husband. Most likely, he'll never reach out. He's got bigger fish to fry. But in the thousand to one chance that he does...

Kim

And who do you work for?

Mike

I said I would answer anything I can.

Kim

[long pause] You're the guy from the desert. The one who was out there with Jimmy. Why are you telling me this and not him?

Mike

Because I think you're made of sterner stuff. [pause; gets up] Alright. Now here's what's best for everyone. You spot my guys again—which I'm hoping you won't—let them go about their business. Just pretend they're not there. And pretty soon, they won't be. You and your husband just... go on living your lives. [starts to leave]

Kim

I do know you. You worked in the parking booth at the courthouse. [pause] You were the attendant.

Mike

...I was.

Kim

What are we doing here?

Jimmy

Take a look. What do you think?

Kim

About what?

Jimmy

My new office. Potentially. Come on.

Kim

Huh.

Jimmy

Mrs. Nguyen kicked me to the curb.

Kim

What? Why?

Jimmy

It's a long story, but upshot is she wants me out of there with extreme prejudice.

Kim

Wow. Bad day, huh?

Jimmy

Well, no. It was a... great day. With actual paying clients. The word is out. People were throwing cash retainers at me just to say Saul Goodman is their lawyer.

Kim

Because of who you represented.

Jimmy

Well, I mean, that's part of it. But the bottom line is I need a new place for new business pronto. Now, this place is a shithole, but the price is right. And I think I can talk the landlord into a month-to-month. So, it's temporary until I find something better. [sighs; pause] Hey. What do you think?

Kim

[beat] It's small. It's... dirty. And this whole place smells funny. [pause] But the courthouse is five blocks away. You can't get to MDC without driving past. Parking is good, bail bond row isn't far, and uh... Taco Cabeza is just around the corner. Might be a diamond in the rough. Just promise me... you won't move the toilet.

Jimmy

[chuckles] There it is. Alright. Uh... speaking of Taco Cabeza.

Kim

I'm starving. Let's do it.

Jimmy

I should've left Howard standing there like a yutz. Instead I let him suck me into his game. Why did I do that?

Kim

You had your reasons.

Jimmy

I did? Like what?

Kim

Because... you know.

Jimmy

I know...?

Kim

[holds Jimmy's hand] You know what's coming next.

Jimmy

What's it gonna feel like?

Depends on how used to caffeine you are. I mean, you're not gonna be tripping balls, but... it's gonna feel like two Red Bulls on an empty stomach.

Jimmy

And how long is it gonna last?

Is the guy roughly your size?

Jimmy

Yeah.

An hour or two.

Kim

And if there's a blood test?

This stuff is not showing up on any blood panel they're running in this town. You're gonna do this, this is the way to go. [pulls out digital thermometer; to Jimmy] Here.

Jimmy

Whoa, whoa. Promise me this has been sterilized.

It's brand new, and for you, it goes under the armpit.

Jimmy

[laughing] Okay, sorry.

[sighs] I cannot wait to be done with all of this.

Jimmy

I hear ya. You know, I read somewhere that vets are even more depressed than lawyers.

[chuckles] Depressed? No, no, no. I love being a vet. [points at a bulletin board covered in pet photos] Look over there. See that? That's what it's all about. Animals are my life. It's this other stuff that's getting to be too much. No offense. Anyway, a guy's gotta know when he's bagged his limit.

Jimmy

What, so you're closing up shop?

Yep. Leaving town. Once I sell my little black book, it's gonna be all animals all the time.

Kim

Black book?

Yeah, the keys to the kingdom. You know, you call me up, you're looking for a someone? [taps the book in his pocket] Keep all my "someones" in here.

Jimmy

Can I see it?

[pause; pulls out the black book] Knock yourself out.

Jimmy

[laughs] Oh... Alright, yeah. I think we, uh–We found the Zodiac Killer.

Well, I'm not keeping my contacts in plain English.

Kim

"Best Quality Vacuum"?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. [takes the black book from Jimmy] Alright. Let's give it another ten. I'll be back.

Jimmy

What a waste.

Kim

You think?

Jimmy

[scoffs] Did you see how many people he had in that book? [Kim walks over to the pet bulletin board] I mean, he's raking it in, day in, day out. It's passive income. Minimal risk. I can't believe he's walking away from that.

Kim

Well... he knows what he wants. [walks back to Jimmy] Anything?

Jimmy

Not really.

Kim

[looks closely at Jimmy's face, then chuckles] Oh, my God.

Jimmy

What?

Kim

Uh... [laughs]

Jimmy

Whoa.

Jimmy

Holy shit! The Jackson Mercer Foundation, that's like... the good housekeeping seal of approval.

Kim

Well, it's not a done deal. Some of the foundation board members are flying in next week to meet the lieutenant governor at a luncheon in Santa Fe, so... they are inviting a select group of people with... Cliff called them, "up-and-coming organizations," and uh... Yeah. Cliff thinks I have a good shot.

Jimmy

A good shot? You have more than a shot! They are gonna love you on sight!

Kim

The only thing is the lunch is on D-Day.

Jimmy

So, what? That's–You don't have to be there on the day! Was Eisenhower on Omaha Beach? No. Kim, this is great, right? It's huge!

Kim

...It is pretty great! [laughs]

Jimmy

Kim, this is fantastic! [kisses Kim]

Jimmy

FUCK!

Kim

"Ultimately, it's about equal justice, a system that works for everyone. A justice system that works for everyone, and what is more important than that?" [hears phone ringing and answers it] Hey, Jimmy.

Jimmy

Flag on the play! You're not gonna believe this, but I just ran into Casimiro—the real one.

Kim

Oh, God.

Jimmy

Yeah, and before you ask, he didn't shave his mustache. He broke his arm.

Kim

Are you serious?

Jimmy

The guy has a giant cast on his left arm! And I checked all the pictures and you can see his arm in every single one of them! No cast, clear as day!

Kim

Shit! SHIT!

Jimmy

I KNOW! I KNOW! Uh... But, hey. Hey, look at it this way: If I hadn't seen him... I mean, that would've really–that really could've sunk us. Right? So, we're gonna pull the plug and we are going to live to fight another day.

Kim

...What other day?

Jimmy

Well, we'll figure it out. I promise, okay? So, just go. Just do your thing in Santa Fe, and we'll regroup when you get home tonight. [beat; Kim says nothing] Kim? Kim, you still there?

Kim

Yes.

Jimmy

Did you hear what I said?

Kim

[pause] It happens today.

Kim

What are you doing?! I–I have to go! I have to—No, wait!

Mike

Ms. Wexler, I'd like you to sit down.

Kim

He'll–He'll kill him! You have to... You—

Mike

Now, sit there and be calm!

Kim

No, I have to get back! I have to get back!

Mike

[restrains Kim and forces her back down] Sit still... and stay calm. Now, if you take a deep breath—a deep breath—nothing's gonna happen here until you calm yourself. Alright? Now, who is killing who?

Kim

Lalo Salamanca! Lalo is going to kill Jimmy! [Mike looks shocked] He's there! He–he is there with Jimmy now!

Mike

Salamanca is at your apartment?!

Kim

Yes! He sent me! He–he wanted to send Jimmy, but then he sent me.

Mike

To do what exactly?! [pause; Kim hyperventilates] Ms. Wexler, you stay with me! What were you supposed to do here?

Kim

[beat; points at a man who looks identical to Gus] Shoot him. I'm–I'm supposed to shoot him, and then take a photo, and then get back. That's it. I only have twenty minutes left! Please! [Mike quickly looks and nods at one of his guys] He is alone with him!

Mike

Alright, stay put. We'll handle this. We will handle this. [to Victor] You call Tyrus. Get him to the condo now.

Kim

You said you were watching us! WHERE WERE YOU?! HUH?! [Mike leaves] WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

Victor

You heard what the man said.

Mike

You heard all that? [Gus nods] Alright. You hunker down here. [to two bodyguards] You two, you stay with him. A dog barks too loud, you are on the phone with me. [to Arthur and Tyrus] You two, come with me.

Gus

Why did Lalo send you?

Kim

Who is this?

Victor

Answer him. [points behind him]

Kim

[pause] He didn't want to send me. Not at first. He wanted to send my husband... but my husband talked him out of it because he wanted to get me out of there.

Gus

He... talked Lalo out of it?

Kim

That's right. [pause] Now that I've told you everything I know, please tell me. Tell me who—

Gus

Come with me. Both of you.

Jimmy

Lalo said he was coming back.

Mike

He's not coming.

Jimmy

No, he said he was, he told me—

Mike

You understand me? He is not coming back. Let's sit. [pause; Jimmy and Kim remain standing] SIT.

Mike

Alright. Here's what's gonna happen: In a few days, Howard Hamlin's car will be found several states away by the water. The odometer will have rolled to the exact number of miles it took to get there. There will be cocaine in the upholstery. That was the story you were setting up for this guy, yeah? They'll call it a suicide, hoping the body will come washing up. It never will. At some point, you're gonna hear about it. Someone calls you, someone at the courthouse mentions it—the moment that happens—you call the cops. His car was here for hours last night. Good chance somebody noticed it. That means you are the last people to see him alive. Cops are gonna want to hear from you. You tell the cops you saw him—he came here, seemed like maybe he was chemically altered, didn't make a lick of sense. Then he left, that's all you know. You keep telling the lie you've been telling. [to Jimmy] Now, Ms. Wexler tells me she has court at ten. What's on your docket? [Jimmy doesn't answer] Hey. Listen. Where do you need to be?

Jimmy

Uh, office. At my office. Clients start showing up around 9:30. Oh, my car is gone.

Mike

No. It's on the way home, you'll have it when you need it. So you two are going to go about your day—normal, same as ever. Today, you're Meryl Streep and Laurence Olivier. No staring into space, nothing out of the ordinary, you cover. Anybody talks to you, it's just another day that ends in Y, that's all. When you get home, we'll be gone and everything will be back the way it was. Now, I need to impress upon you: none of this ever happened. None of it. Understand? Say it out loud, I need to hear it.

Jimmy

...I understand.

Kim

...It never happened.

Kim

Cliff.

Kim, Jimmy.

Kim, hi.

Jimmy

Hi, Cheryl. I'm Jimmy McGill. You may not remember me. I'm Chuck McGill's brother.

Of course.

Jimmy

Very sorry for your loss. [sighs]

Kim

Cheryl, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. If Jimmy and I can do anything for you or your family, please just say the word.

There is something, actually. You two were the last ones to see him, weren't you?

Kim

Um...

Jimmy

I guess so. Uh, that's what the police said.

Howard told me that you were harassing him, playing elaborate pranks of some sort. That you wouldn't leave him alone.

Jimmy

I know he thought that. He—he—he told me as well. Um, I think he honestly believed it.

But you're denying it.

Jimmy

[pause] You know what, I didn't leave here under the best terms. The past few years, I could have been more considerate to Howard instead of yitzing him every chance I got. I guess, uh, there was a certain amount of jealousy on my part because Howard had the, uh, respect of my brother. Which I never did. [Jimmy steps away]

Tell me what you told the police.

Jimmy

[pause] Okay, um... Well, I mean, it was 11 p.m. Howard started pounding on our door. He was very upset, going on about something, um, he thought was my fault, uh... Guess it had to do with the Sandpiper case. But I—I couldn't make head or tail out of it. We tried to calm him down. But... he just—he just wouldn't, um... Finally, he left. That's—that's it.

I'm not oblivious. I know people are saying he was on drugs. Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Jimmy

I just... He just didn't seem like himself.

[to Cliff] Are you hearing all of this? Because none of it makes sense to me.

Cheryl, maybe we should just—

I don't care what people are saying. I don't care what the police think. Howard was not on drugs. That simply is not true. There's something more to this.

Kim

I don't know if it's my place, but... I—I...

Please. Just spit it out. [sharply inhales]

Kim

[sighs] It was about a year-and-a-half ago. I was still an associate here, working late on a brief. And I saw a light on in Howard's office. I assumed the cleaning crew left it on by mistake. And I was sure that office was empty, so I didn't knock.

...And?

Kim

And Howard was there at his desk, head down. And he was snorting something. [Cheryl scoffs] I looked at him. He looked at me. I didn't know what to do, so I just walked out. And the next morning, when we saw each other, neither of us ever said anything about it. I never told anyone. But now I wish I had.

[long pause; to Cliff] In all the years that you worked with him, have you witnessed anything like this? Even a hint? Cliff...

I... Cheryl, this really isn't the time or the place.

Kim

Cheryl. You were his wife. You saw him every day. You knew him better than anyone. Maybe I misunderstood what I saw. You would have known.

[voice breaking] Please excuse me.

All rise. Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge Dearden presiding.

Good afternoon. We are here to discuss a motion to exclude evidence in State of New Mexico vs. Yarborough.

Kim

[rises] Your Honor, if I may. I submitted an additional motion. I'm assuming you have not seen it yet.

Did we get that?

It just came in, judge.

Kim

I apologize, it was a last-minute addition.

"Last minute" is right. [pause; looks through the motion] Do I understand this correctly? You're requesting to withdraw from this case?

Kim

Yes, Your Honor. My client is fully informed. And I've already been in touch with another attorney, Paige Novick. She's highly qualified and familiar with the case. She's prepared to step if you'll allow it.

Ms. Wexler, Mr. Orenstein, approach the bench.

[to Kim] Ms. Wexler, we are here today at your insistence to consider your motion to exclude evidence. And this is the moment you choose to withdraw?

Kim

It was unavoidable.

May I ask why?

Kim

Personal reasons, Your Honor.

"Personal reasons." Are we talking about a health issue, something to do with a loved one?

Kim

No.

Would you rather discuss privately in chambers?

Kim

Thank you for the consideration, but no.

Would you care to supply any detail at all?

Kim

Your Honor, I prefer not to.

[pause; to Orenstein] ...Mr. Orenstein, is the state prepared to discuss Ms. Wexler's motion?

We are, Your Honor. Absolutely.

You know what, Ms. Wexler? Mr. Orenstein's here. I'm here. We all showed up for your party, and now you're taking away the punch bowl. I'm inclined to have you argue your motion, then I'll consider later writing petitions.

Kim

I'm sorry for wasting the court's time, Your Honor, but it's impossible for me to continue with this hearing.

And why is that, Ms. Wexler?

Kim

Because I'm no longer an attorney.

[brief pause] I'm sorry, what?

Kim

I gave notice to the bar two hours ago.

Kim

Kim Wexler.

Jimmy

Hey, Kim Wexler! You know who this is? [beat; Kim is silent] I'm gonna take that as a "yes". Uh, that receptionist of yours, is she the type to listen in?

Kim

No.

Jimmy

Good! Okay! So... How's Florida been treating you? I'm catching you between hurricanes, I hope. [pause] Kim? You there?

Kim

What do you want?

Jimmy

No, I don't... I don't want anything, I just–It's been a while, y'know, I was just... I was thinking, it's been a while? And, uh... It might be nice to catch up.

Kim

"Catch up?"

Jimmy

Yeah, my mind was wandering this morning, just... Not thinking anything in particular, just random thoughts and–Bam, it suddenly occurred to me, it's been six years. I mean, Jesus. I–I couldn't believe it! [beat] I thought you might wanna know I'm still alive. [pause] Yep. I'm still out here! Still getting away with it! Feds couldn't find their own ass with both hands and a proctologist.

Kim

You shouldn't be calling me.

Jimmy

Oh, hey! You're awake!

Kim

You shouldn't be calling.

Jimmy

Why not? What, am I tying up the line from important irrigation business? I mean, come on, Kim, say something. Hey, call me an asshole! Yell at me! Just let me know you still got a pulse. [pause] Just say something!

Kim

You want me to say something?

Jimmy

Yeah.

Kim

You should turn yourself in.

Jimmy

Do what?

Kim

You heard me. I don't know what kind of life you've been living, but it can't be much.

Jimmy

Said the pot to the kettle! What?! That is–that is really rich, you–you preaching to me?! See, you have no idea what I did or didn't do, okay? And why–why don't you turn yourself in? Seeing as how you're the one with the guilty conscience, huh? What is–What is stopping you, huh? Fring's in the ground. Mike's in the ground. Lalo's in the ground, apparently. You don't have to hold back on my account! They can only hang me once, so what?! So go ahead! Spill your guts, put on your hair shirt, see what it gets you! Why are... Kim, why are we even talking about this? We're both too smart to throw our lives away for no reason, just... I just–I only wanted to... Kim–Kim...! Kim–

Kim

I'm glad you're alive. [hangs up the phone]