Being Human · Season 1
Last night, I had the wolf in me...
(whispering to Annie) So did Nina.
[She guffaws.]
Stop snickering, this is not a joke! I really, really like Nina, and I thought - well, ha-ha, I hoped! - that she liked me. But what if she's only interested in the wolf?
(considering) Hmm...
Oh! Oh thank you for "Oh no George, how could that be possible?"!
[Looking at a figurine of Laurel and Hardy]
Who are they?
Are you serious? They're Laurel and Hardy!
Was the fat one Prime Minister?
You might be thinking of Churchill.
Or Hitler - same 'tache.
I can't believe he's never heard of Laurel and Hardy! Immortality makes me feel so old.
What else have you got up there, some German scat inside Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?
How many times have you watched it?
I've never even seen any scat. Oh well, just that first time, to see what it was...
I'm not the pervert, that's my housemate. And actually, he's not a pervert either.
Who keeps their rotten tomatoes? Who looks in their salad cooler, sees their tomatoes are on the turn and thinks 'oh no, no I'll hang on to those in case some paedos move in opposite'?
Saying 'it's not you, it's me' is a stabbable offence in my book and I can easily get my hands on scalpels.
[On being given another jar of home-made jam as an apology]
More jam?
How many is that now?
That's eleven jars. I wonder what it is about us that says we need jam.
It's a gesture. They feel guilty.
Yeah. So is writing “paedo” on the front door.
I should have known not even death could be a match for one of your sulks. I mean, that's what this is, isn't it? It's the Isle of Wight all over again!
Being human means being mortal. It means dying. You can't rob people of that.
The vampires are mobilising. Oh, they're making it sound all New Labour, but this is an invasion! It's a coup!
My thing is a part time thing.
Oh right. I thought perhaps you were a wizard or something.
A wizard? [Laughs] That's ridiculous.
Trust me, once you've dated a vampire you tend to have a different criteria for what's ridiculous.
I'm looking for something to defend myself with. So far I have a whisk and I have...my mobile phone recharger. [Mimes hitting with each in turn, then throws them down and runs back into the kitchen] What do we take, I mean do...do we take crosses and-and-and-and garlic? I know, we should have watched more films!
I'm a ghost actually.
Get out! Can you, like, move things about and...walk from one room to another?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone can do that.
Shut it, Digby! The only reason why I haven't torn your bastard face off yet...is because I've just done the hoovering in here.
[After Annie has hit him over the back with a chair]
Did you just hit me with a chair?!
Yes! Sorry!
What is wrong with you people? That totally, fucking hurt!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Being Human pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
