[Butt-Head puts down 6 cans of non-alcoholic beer on the register stand]
Cashier: Yeah, Can I help you?
Butt-Head: Yeah. We're going to buy this beer and get drunk.
Cashier: Yeah? Well, you can't buy beer unless you're 21. Lemme see some ID.
Butt-Head: Oh. Uh.. Well... Uh... Uh.. Uh... Huh huh... We left our IDs in the truck.
Beavis: Yeah yeah. Truck.
[the cashier checks the contents of the beer which says "Contains no alcohol"]
Cashier: Oh, you guys are buying that pee-water. I guess I can sell that crap to you.
Butt-Head: That's right. You can sell it to us. (chuckles) We're old.

[Cochese climbs up a tall building, then it cuts to a man carrying groceries]
Beavis: Now see, this guy's going up on the roof, and this guy doesn't know what's gonna happen, so when they go in, when he goes into his apartment, they're gonna beat the living crap out of him! Check out.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, I told you to shut up!
Beavis: Okay, okay! I'm not gonna say anything! I'm just gonna be quiet. I'm just gonna be quiet for a while.
[two of the cops are dressed as a chef and a bellhop]

[commenting on a small boy running]
Butt-head: Hey, check it out, it's Jeremy.
Beavis: He's still running. How come Jeremy's always hanging out in the woods?
Butt-head: Uh, I don't know.

[commenting on Kathleen Hanna's appearance in the video]
Butt-head: Who's that five-year-old girl who keeps bouncing around?
Beavis: Yeah, really. She sure can't dance. Like, what's the snif-gig-ligance of that girl being there?
Butt-head: The what?
Beavis: You know, the sih...um, I forgot.

[commenting on the rather clean and slow intro]
Beavis: This part of the song sucks, but it gets cool later.
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: It starts going, "Dududududuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!"
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis! You're beginning to piss me off.

[Danzig shakes around while singing]
Butt-head: Settle down, Danzig! I wonder what this guy does, like, when he's not doing this?
Beavis: I bet he just scores with chicks, and then just, like, fights alot.
Butt-head: Yeah. I wonder who would win in a fight between Danzig, and uhhhhhhhhh....
Beavis: Uh, Geraldo?
Butt-head: No.
Beavis: Um, eh, Danny Bonaduce?
Butt-head: Yeah! Bonaduce would kick ass!

[during the guitar solo]
Beavis: What's that dude's problem?
Butt-head: Uhh, it's like, he's a little too into the music.
Beavis: Yeah, really. It's kind of embarrassing.
Butt-head: Yeah. The other dudes in the band are probably going "Uh, god, I wish he wouldn't do that".

[Henry Rollins is wearing a Superman outfit with the letter "R" on his chest]
Butt-head: Hey, isn't that the wrong letter on his chest?
Beavis: Oh yeah, isn't it supposed to be like a five on there, or something?
Butt-head: Yeah. Maybe because like he's a liar, he put the wrong letter on there?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. He's a liar. Liar!
Butt-head: Lying rules.

[images of explosions and car crashes are shown]
Butt-head: Yes!
Beavis: Whoa, whoa, look, look! Eeh, yeah, yeah, car accidents! Yeah!
Butt-head: That was cool! Uh...
Beavis: Uh, laundry! Yeah.
Butt-head: Yeah!
Greta, Is It What You Wanted

[In a kindergarten class]
Butt-head: Hey Beavis. These chicks are flat.

[John Oates is carrying a stack of presents which cover his face]
Butt-head: Who could that be?
[Daryl Hall takes some of the presents]
Beavis: Whoa, it's Geraldo!

[Julee is singing from an open trunk]
Beavis: Come on, shut the truck. SHUT IT!
Butt-head: Yeah! This reminds me of that part in Goodfellas where they have that guy in the trunk. That movie was funny.
Beavis: Remember that one part where he goes "What do you mean I'm funny? What do you mean? Funny looking, what are you talking about? Funny, what, am I here to amuse you? Am I hear for your entertainment? What are you talking about? No! You said I was funny!" Pretty good, huh?
Butt-head: Yeah, then that guy wussed out. Remember that time you were doing it to McVicker?
Beavis: That didn't work out to well, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Yeah. You wussed out too.
The Cult, Lil' Devil

[Kathleen Hanna rubs her butt against Thurston Moore's crotch]
Beavis: HEY!! GET AWAY FROM HIS WIENER!! GET AWAY!!
Butt-head: Settle down, Beavis. What are you, like, the wiener police or something?
Beavis: Well, how would you like it if some chick tried to touch your wiener? [Butt-head does a double take and laughs] Um, wait a minute.
Butt-head: What???
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. Shut up!
Butt-head: You dumbass!
Beavis: You just weren't listening. I said, like, you know, like, how would you like it if some girl was touching your wiener? That'd be pretty cool. That's what I meant, dumbass!
Butt-head: Yeah, right.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I just wasn't concentrating, that's all.
Sonic Youth, Dirty Boots

[Matt Johnson walks among the edge of a tall building]
Beavis: Whoa! You think he's really up there on that building like that?
Butt-head: Uh...no. People don't do that anymore. It's like, they have computers and they just like, fake it.
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah.
Butt-head: Nobody has any balls anymore.
Beavis: Whoa, you think he's gonna jump?
Butt-head: Uh...no, and I don't care either.

[Mr. Anderson has just given the pair a shopping list]
Butt-head: Would you like some toilet paper?
Beavis [in the style of Cornholio]: TP, for your bunghole!