[Beavis and Butt-head scream once the video starts]
Butt-head: Oh my God.
Beavis: Oh, dear Lord!
Butt-head: This sucks.
Beavis: AAAH! Good God Almighty!

[Beavis dreams that he's on Kung Fu]
Beavis: But master, does not the fire needs water too? Does not the mountain needs the storm? Does not your scrotum needs kicking?

[Beavis hums along with the bassline]
Butt-head: Check it out, this dumbass is trying to mail himself. Beavis...cut it out, Beavis. Dammit Beavis, cut it out. Uhh, that'd be cool if, like, I could, like, mail myself. I could put a stamp on my butt and say, like, "Take me to somewhere cool". Beavis, shut up.
Beavis: [still humming along] Higher!
Butt-head: Beavis, do you hear me? Shut up! Shut up, Beavis! Beavis, if you don't stop that right now, I'm gonna smack you upside the head!
Beavis: [sings along] Still be here with you...
Butt-head: I'm gonna give you three seconds, Beavis! What the hell's the matter with you, Beavis? [smacks Beavis]
Beavis: OOOWW!! [resumes humming along]
Butt-head: Beavis, do you hear me? [smacks Beavis again] Shut up!
Beavis: AH! OW! [resumes humming along]
Butt-head: Remember that time you turned that jack-in-a-box into a crap-in-the-box? That was cool. Uhh, Beavis? Beavis?
Beavis: [singing along] Higher, higher!
Butt-head: Beavis! What's your problem, Beavis? I said stop it! [fed up with this, Butt-head hums along. Beavis stops humming along.]
Bobby McFerrin, Don't Worry, Be Happy

[Beavis is humping the couch]
Butt-head: Ugh! What are you doing, Beavis?
Beavis: Doin' my monkey boy.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, get down!
Beavis: I am gettin' down! Rat-a-tat-tat-d'atass...
James, Say Something

[Beavis is sitting on the couch by himself while Butt-head is in the bathroom]
Beavis: Hey Butt-head! BUTT-HEAD, BUTT-HEAD!
Butt-head: What? WHAT?!
Beavis: Come here, quick! [to himself] This is cool. Butt-head, come here, quick!
Butt-head: Uh! [he flushes the toilet and rushes over to the couch] What?
Beavis: Cool! Check this out Butt-head, this is cool!
Butt-head: Uhhhhhh, is there a naked chick?
Beavis: No, but check it out, this is cool!
Butt-head: It is?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Oh wait, check it out!
Butt-head: Beavis, what are you talkin' about?
Beavis: Well check it out, see, see?! This guy has a like, one of those dog things on his neck! That's cool! Yeah! Then check this out, check this out, this guy's about to stab this guy, see, he's got a spear! He's chasin' him, YEAH, YEAH, GET HIM, GET HIM, GET HIM! YES, YES!
Butt-head: Damn it, Beavis.
Beavis: This is so cool! Yes, yes!
Butt-head: You got me out of the bathroom to see a dog collar?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! It's pretty cool, huh? Yeah.
Butt-head: What's wrong with you, Beavis?
Beavis: Ummm, I don't know!

[Beavis sees Morrissey dressed in an unbuttoned fishnet shirt and then spits his soda all over Butt-head]
Butt-head: Watch it, Beavis! I know this sucks, but that doesn't mean you have to spit all over me.
Beavis: You're lucky I didn't barf all over you.

[Beavis' ride in the tire causes not only a car crash, but also makes Todd spill a small drop of beer onto his jeans]
Todd: Aw, Dammit! My good jeans.
[Beavis then hits a car on cinder blocks,owned by a redneck couple, killing the man underneath. Butt-head soon follows up]

[Beck is wearing a shirt that says "Rock Me"]
Butt-head: Check it out Beavis, his shirt says "Kick me".
Beavis: Maybe someone will kick him in the nads.
Butt-head: That would be cool.
Beavis: Yeah, kick him.

[both are hanging upsidedown from the movie sign with their pants down]
Butt-head: [looking at Beavis' butt] Huh huh, your butt kinda looks like baloney. With pimples.
Beavis: Hey! Why are you so interested in my butt!?
Butt-head: Uh....um...that new GWAR album is pretty cool, huh?

[Both are taken to the principal's office by the kindergarten teacher]
Kindergarten Teacher [To the principal]: Get these two imbeciles out my class, or find yourself a new kindergarten teacher!
[The pair are brought back to Highland High, where there's a disagreement between the two principals]

[Butt-head dreams he's on The Oprah Winfrey Show, surrounded by women, with the headline "Butt-head: Sleeps With Chicks"]
Oprah: Butt-head, you've slept with over 5,000 women. How do you explain the attraction to you?
Butt-head: Uh...just look at me!

[Butt-head dreams that he is on the Brady Bunch, his face is in a square alongside the three girls]
Butt-head: [chorus] Here's the story of a guy named Butt-head, who was horny for three very lovely girls...
[Beavis' face in a square pops up]
Beavis: [chorus] Then along came a guy named Beavis, he was horny too.

[Butt-head dreams that he's on Star Trek: The Next Generation]
Butthead: Number 1, I order you to take a Number Two.
Beavis: Aye-aye, Captain.

[Butt-Head is holding a pencil over his crotch depicting an erected penis. He and Beavis are laughing at it. Butt-Head then holds the pencil over his desk and drops it. It hits the desk with the eraser end, causing it to bounce off of the desk. It flies through the air and into Beavis's left eye and Beavis bleeds from his eye, screaming.]
Beavis: [screaming] AAAAGH!! OWW!!!!!!
Butt-head: Whoa, that was cool, it really does happen.
[Beavis pulls the pencil out of his eye socket and chuckles]

[Butt-head looks at Beavis in confusion]
Butt-head: Uh... I think that chick in the back is dancing to a different song.