Mr. Anderson: Like hell I am, you're the one who told me to rent from Morgan's. Now, get the hell off my property you son of a bitch! And if I ever see that damn dog of yours peeing on my lawn again, I'm gonna shoot both of you!
Season 6

Mr. Anderson: Wait a minute! These balls look kinda familiar.
Butt-head: Uh, many balls look the same, sir.
Beavis: Yeah, I have two that are identical.

Mr. Anderson: What are ya'll doin'? Chokin' your chicken? Come on let's get to prunin'.

Mr. Andreson: Hey, you look kinda familiar. You ain't them kids that spray painted my dog last week, are you?
Butt-head: Uh huh huh, that was uh... other kids.

Mr. Buzzcut: For today's positive activity you're gonna wash my wagoneer!
Patsy: Umm, that's not what my dad said we're gonna do.
Mr. Buzzcut: Your dad's not here, boy! And for the tenth time, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna positively kill you!

Mr. Candy: They're a real bargain at only $2 each. Heck, they practically sell themselves! Now, what if I told you that the richest man...
Butt-head: [mockingly] Blah blah blah blah blaaah bluhhh-ehhh!
Beavis: [in imitation] Blaaaah-blaaaah, heck, they practically sell themselves, ehhhh!
Mr. Candy: Well, you two seem to be real know-it-alls. Why don't you tell us what you're gonna say when a customer says "no"?
Butt-head: Uhhhh, I'd say, "blah blah blah blah blah-leuuuh-luh!"
Beavis: [in imitation again] Blah blah blah blah, what do you say when a customer says no? You seem to know it all! Blah blah blah-blah-blah-blah!

Mr. Herrera: Bueno. Recuerdan por favor, clase, siempre contestan en Espa�ol. Bueno? [he walks to the back of the room with a sign that says Juan es Alto] Senor Butt-head, ¿Como es Juan?
Butt-head: Uh, burritos.
Mr. Herrera: No no no, ¿Como es Juan? ¿Como es Juan?
Butt-head: Uh, guacamole.
Mr. Herrera: No, no. ¿Senor Beavis, Como es Juan?
Beavis: Um, spaghetti.
Butt-head: Heh heh. Spaghetti?
Mr. Herrera: Spaghetti? That's Italian, you moron! Dammit! You idiots have been in this class for almost a whole school year, and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell!! ..And Beavis can't even get that right! I'm gonna give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principal's office and you're both flunking. [pause] Well, I'm waiting.
Butt-head: Uuuuh.. [mocks Spanish accent] rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh Rico Suave. Huh-huh.
[The class are heard laughing.]
Mr. Herrera: Principal's office, now!
Beavis: [Gears are turning in his head] Uh, Taco Supreme.
[The class continues laughing.]
Mr. Herrera: Get out! Now!

Mr. O'Brian: Alright, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand?
Butt-head: Uh... yeah. [The detector buzzes 'false'] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [The detector dings 'true'] Huh huh huh.
Mr. O'Brian: Just tell the truth and you have nothing to worry about. Let's begin.
Butt-head: Uh huh huh huh. [takes a deep breath and holds it] Huh huh...
[Butt-head is still holding his breath, his face is red]

Mr. O'Brian: Good. Well, young man, I'd like to get a base reading here. Could you say something?
Beavis: Uh, heh, yeah, heh.
Mr. O'Brian: Just say anything. The first thing that comes into your mind.
Beavis: Um, heh heh, I killed a bunch of people once.
[The detector dings 'true' and Beavis takes a deep breath and holds it]

Mr. O'Brian: I'll repeat the question, Butt-head. Have you ever stolen anything?
Butt-head: Uhh... [wires start short circuiting, due to violent pulses] Uhhhh... [collapses from asphyxiation] Uh huh huh huh... [the detector lets out a flat pulse]
[Beavis is hooked up to the lie detector tester]

Mr. O'Brian: Okay, now. Please tell me your name.
Butt-head: [trying to hold his breath and talk at the same time] Butt-head...
Mr. O'Brian: Okay, good. Now, Butt-head, could you tell me how many fingers I am holding up?
Butt-head: [his face becomes even more red, yellow bubbles appearing around his head] Uhh, four? [The detector dings 'true']
Mr. O'Brian: Well, it's three, actually, but since you think it's four, you didn't really lie. So, that's good. [Butt-head's face turns crimson red] Now, Butt-head, tell me. In all of your life, have you ever stolen anything?
[Beavis is still in the waiting room]

Mr. Stevenson: Excuse me are your milkshakes made from real milk and ice cream, or do you use that reconsitited shake mix stuff.
Beavis: Ya
Mr. Stevenson: What do you mean ya? Ya, you use the shake mix? Or ya, you use the real stuff?
Beavis: Ya
Mr. Stevenson: Let me talk to the manager.
Beavis: Ya
Butt-Head: Uhh I'm an assistant manager, is there something I can help you with?
Mr. Steavenson: Yes, I'm trying to ask a simple question. Are your shakes made with shake mix, or ice cream and milk?
Butt-Head: Uhh, we have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

Mr. Stevenson: Okay. Armstrong?
Armstrong: Here,
Mr. Stevenson: Armyho?
Armyho: Present.
Mr. Stevenson: Baca?
Baca: Yo!
Mr. Stevenson: Butkis?
Daniel Butkis: Here.
[Beavis and Butt-Head begin to laugh]
Mr. Stevenson: Dammit, what's wrong with you two? We've been in school over seven months now, and every single day, when I call Daniel Butkis' name, you guys have to laugh.
[Beavis & Butt-Head laugh some more]
Mr. Stevenson:Is it really still that funny?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Mr. Stevenson: Doesn't it ever get old? Are you gonna laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone says the name Butkis?
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Mr. Stevenson: That does it. Principal's office, now!

Mr. Stevenson: This is bad, boys, for a number of reasons. First is the trust factor. Stewart, we trusted you to stay home unsupervised. Now you violated that trust, didn't you?
[Beavis and Butt-head laugh]
Mr. Stevenson: Now you two, you came into my house and you blew it up. Luckily, I've got homeowner's insurance.
Butt-head: Huh huh huh. I bet you do.

Mr. Van Dreson: (Directing traffic) I need to go help out down at the community center, but I can't leave my post until someone releaves me.
Butt-Head: Uhh... just go behind a building, no one will see.