[as their car gets towed] Uh, what's the problem, officer?
PPolice Officer
Well, your car's impounded. You have over $500 in unpaid parking tickets.
In our defense, officer, parking sucks.
“Married” · Season 10, Episode 11
In this episode: Smart Beavis (5), Smart Butt-head (4)
Okay Beavis, we need to find where they give you your license back. [they look at a long line for a driver's license] Uh, that line sucks.
[they look at a long line for a firearms license] Yeah, that's gonna take forever.
[they see no line at the office for a marriage license] There's no line at that one.
Yeah, let's go there.
[they enter the office]
Uh, we need a license.
JJanice
Well congratulations! And how's your day going so far?
Uh, today sucks.
Yeah, we just wanted to go to Burger World, but then our neighbor yelled at us, and called us creeps. And then this cop was like, "You and your kind need to get off the streets."
JJanice
Oh, you poor, sweet, beautiful men. How can people be so cruel?
I know. We're just like, two guys trying to live our lives.
Yeah, but sometimes, it just feels like the whole world is against us. You know what I'm saying?
JJanice
Well I just know there's gonna be a lot of broken hearts when a couple of hot bachelors like you go off the market.
Uh, did you just call us hot bachelors?
JJanice
Yes sir, I did, and you are, but not for long! How does getting married sound?
Whoa! Uh, you wanna marry us?
JJanice
Yes I do, if you're ready.
Uh, excuse me, ma'am. I need to talk to Beavis for a second. [they leave the counter]
Um, what's going on?
Don't you see what's happening here, Beavis? She wants a three-way with us!
Whoa, really?!
Yeah. But she's like, old-fashioned, so we have to get married to her first.
Is that legal for her to have, like, two husbands?
Who cares, Beavis? By the time they arrest us, we'll have already scored.
Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, I'd go to jail for that, yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing! [they return to the counter] We're ready to get married.
This is the happiest day of my life.
JJanice
By the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, I now pronounce you, husband and husband.
Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
JJanice
Ooh, that's the spirit!
You know, I always thought being married was gonna be weird, but it's not bad.
You know, Beavis, we should have gotten married years ago.
NNeighbor
Wait, you guys are married?
Yep. It just happened like, all of a sudden.
Yeah, we were down at the courthouse, you know, and one thing led to another.
NNeighbor
You guys have a seat. This one's on me.
We're gonna be doing it later today.
Yeah yeah, that's right.
NNeighbor
Good for you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.