Old Butt-head, Old Beavis and others in “Married”

Old Butt-head

Okay Beavis, we need to find where they give you your license back. [they look at a long line for a driver's license] Uh, that line sucks.

Old Beavis

[they look at a long line for a firearms license] Yeah, that's gonna take forever.

Old Butt-head

[they see no line at the office for a marriage license] There's no line at that one.

Old Beavis

Yeah, let's go there.

Old Butt-head

Uh, we need a license.

Well congratulations! And how's your day going so far?

Old Butt-head

Uh, today sucks.

Old Beavis

Yeah, we just wanted to go to Burger World, but then our neighbor yelled at us, and called us creeps. And then this cop was like, "You and your kind need to get off the streets."

Oh, you poor, sweet, beautiful men. How can people be so cruel?

Old Butt-head

I know. We're just like, two guys trying to live our lives.

Old Beavis

Yeah, but sometimes, it just feels like the whole world is against us. You know what I'm saying?

Well I just know there's gonna be a lot of broken hearts when a couple of hot bachelors like you go off the market.

Old Butt-head

Uh, did you just call us hot bachelors?

Yes sir, I did, and you are, but not for long! How does getting married sound?

Old Butt-head

Whoa! Uh, you wanna marry us?

Yes I do, if you're ready.

Old Butt-head

Uh, excuse me, ma'am. I need to talk to Beavis for a second. [they leave the counter]

Old Beavis

Um, what's going on?

Old Butt-head

Don't you see what's happening here, Beavis? She wants a three-way with us!

Old Beavis

Whoa, really?!

Old Butt-head

Yeah. But she's like, old-fashioned, so we have to get married to her first.

Old Beavis

Is that legal for her to have, like, two husbands?

Old Butt-head

Who cares, Beavis? By the time they arrest us, we'll have already scored.

Old Beavis

Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, I'd go to jail for that, yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing! [they return to the counter] We're ready to get married.

Old Butt-head

This is the happiest day of my life.