Ron Harris quotes from Barney Miller

Yemana

Hey, anybody want to work Vice tomorrow?

Harris

Me! I'll take it!

Yemana

You worked Vice last week.

Harris

I'm a policeman, baby! I goes where I'm needed!

"Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men."

Harris

This cat is dynamite. I'm going to write that down.

Barney

It seems you found an admirer.

Do me a favor—don't tell him it's from Aldous Huxley until after I leave.

Harris

Hey, man. They already closed down three fire stations. They could do the same thing to us.

Chano

Not as long as there's more crimes than fires. You see the thing is people commit crimes to eat. But people don't set fires to eat.

Fish

They do if they want something hot.

Harris

[about the non-working fan] Hey, it can't be turned on, it's not doing anything!

Fish

My very words to Bernice.

Wojo

Oh, Harris has got another theory. Sherlock Holmes.

Harris

I mean, psychology is a very important part of modern criminology.

Barney

Wojo, hold off your rebuttal 'til later.

Barney

[after his blow up] Listen everyone... I'd like to apologize to everybody. I'm the one who's always saying "keep things in perspective" and...

Harris

Hey forget it, Barney. We were all depressed tonight.

Fish

You're just the first person to put it into screams.

Careful with my hands. My fingers are my life.

Harris

Pianist?

Chano

Pickpocket.

[on the $3,500 he found] Obviously, someone lost it, so I'd like to turn it in.

Fish

Anybody see you pick it up?

I don't think so.

Harris

Does anybody else know you found this money?

No.

Fish

[looking in packet] There's nothing else in here. No identification. No name.

I realize that.

Harris

You know, Mr. Woolen, if you ever decide to run for President, you've got my vote.