Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.
Really? Did "nothing" cancel?
S2 E9Burning Love
My wife is humiliated. This is my chance to right the small wrong that I did.
You shot her in the ass with about four ounces of horse tranquilizer.
I haven't been the perfect husband -- yes, I admit that. But now is my chance to be a hero.
My back is in knots. I haven't had a massage since prison.
Hope that was forced.
S2 E10Ready, Aim, Marry Me
She'd love to get at me any way she could. That's why she's been flirting with Gob. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for Gob.
I think that makes the joke on Gob.
[looking at a gift basket] Didn't you get one of those, too? You bought Lindsay at the same auction.
I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
There's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can sink your arrow into my buttocks any time.
Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you're going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.
Butterscotch! Want a lick?
[after Michael asks Tobias to buy a tape recorder to record himself speaking] You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"?
Well, I know I did in the jacuzzi.
And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.
On the next Arrested Development, Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own recordings to see what Michael was referring to.
[on tape] Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
Nothing wrong with that.
[on tape] I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can.
That's out of context...
[on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
And he realizes there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
Tobias... you blow hard! [chuckles]
Hey, fake Uncle Jack.
Well Gob doesn't do anything for the family...
Hey... I'm [bleep]ing Lucille 2!
Oh! I could do something like that...
S2 E11Out on a Limb
You know, mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I believe you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.
You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.
Well, if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.
That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon.
And this time, no tears!
S2 E12Hand to God
FDr. Fishman
Excuse me, are you the Bluths?
Not Doctor Wordsmith. How's my son?
FDr. Fishman
He's going to be all right.
Oh, thank God.
Finally, some good news from this guy.
There's no other way to take that.
FDr. Fishman
That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was given this news, I don't know if I would take it this well.
But... you said he was alright.
FDr. Fishman
Yes. He's lost his left hand, so he's going to be all right.
You son of a bitch. I hate this doctor!
Mom, after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you.
S2 E13Motherboy XXX
The cow is coming after me.
Your wife? She was super-thin.
She was? What about her cans? She have big cans?
You don't remember her at all, do you?
Hey, it was one night of wild passion!
And yet you didn't notice her body?
I like to look in the mirror.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Arrested Development pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.