Wakko Warner quotes from Animaniacs (2020)

[backing away] Wait, wait, Dot, you don't have to turn anything cute.

[closer to Yakko] Yes! Yes I will!

NO! NO! I'M THE ONE WHO YAKS!!! Uhhh...I'VE GOT THE RAKEST CHARM ABOUT ME!!!

Don't fight it! [using her cute eye beams on Yakko, who turns cute; squeals, turns to Wakko]

Wakko

[shrugs] I'll try anything once. [turns to cute]

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[After licking the dirty pigeon, the whole world is turned back from cute to normal]

We did it! Everything's back to normal!

[But their bodies turned into giant pigeons, minus their heads]

Well, almost.

Wakko

[shrugs] Eh, close enough.

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[In a Poltergeist parody, Kelly Sue, her brother and their parents sleep in bed. Kelly wakes up as she sees the TV on with static on the screen. She then crawls over to it. A gray cat with green eyes watches her. Kelly stares wide-eyed at the screen. A gloved hand pokes out of the TV. With neon blue bodies, the Animaniacs shoot out as ghosts. Dot hits a ceiling fan. Wakko eats a portrait of fruit. Yakko throws clothes at the family. As a pair of panties hits the man's face, his wife covers her son's eyes. Yakko honks the boy's nose and points to a toy clown sitting in an arm chair]

I'd keep an eye on this guy if I were you. Hahaha!

[Wakko appears upside down]

Wakko

Gah! Clown!

[Yakko and Wakko are pulled back. Dot writes "Totally Insaney!" in lipstick, then gets pulled back too. The Animaniacs are sucked back into the TV, which shuts off. The cat falls on its back. The family sigh in relief when Kelly turns the TV back on, the static is reflected in her eyes]

KSKelly's Mom

No!

KKelly

[eerily; singsong] They're back!

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[After the Animaniacs come out of their hiding place after getting chased by Ralph, they head to Dr. Scratchansniff's office]

Wakko

Office of Dr. Otto Von Scratchansniff. Yes! Still practicing.

Wow! He's still practicing?! Well. He'll figure out how to do it eventually.

[They go inside to visit their old friend]

Dr. Scratchansniff! Oh, we haven't seen you all season!

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Does anybody wanna say a few words?

Wakko

Sure! Ahem. Mustard, umbrella, Borborygmus! [his stomach growls]

That was beautiful, Wakko.

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Wakko

In all seriousness, folks, the internet can be a treacherous place. Be careful not to submit your personal information to third parties.

Thank you, Wakko. In fact, there is only one website you can trust: www.dotwarnermalwarevirusspreaderidentitythefttrojanhorsebotcom.edy.

Order now, and use the promo code Suckers to add 50% on your purchase!

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CCora

Mom! This is worse than my quinceañera! Stop embarrassing me, and get off my stage! [points to the Warner siblings] And send these three back where they came from. I'm guessing Dr. Seuss' garbage can.

Wakko

Alright! We'll see ya!

[holding him back] Ooh! Hang on. I think Dot's about to blow.

[steams up furiously and explodes; thrives over to Cora] How dare you! You're talking to Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III!

CCora

Well, I am Queen Cora Nora Bora Bora Angora Dora Norita IV!

Are you sure? [gets up into Cora's face] Because it feels like I'm talking to a spoiled brat whose mommy gets her everything she wants!

CCora

That's not true! [pushes Dot off of her] I asked for an ice sculpture of a dolphin, but this is clearly a porpoise!

Don't worry, sweetie. Mama will fix this. She'll make it a dolphin for you.

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[The Warner siblings are at an art museum, looking at some paintings and sculptures]

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

Wakko

I don't get it.

[The painting reads, "I don't get it"]

Now, that one I get.

[A painter is painting Daffy as The Thinker]

Finally, some real art!

DDaffy

At least someone appreciates my exquisite physique.

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I don't get it.

Wakko

Me neither.

Well, sibs, maybe our brains aren't sophisticated enough for this, huh? We're just silly kids with silly thoughts. Like, I don't know, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

And why do they have interstate highways in Hawaii? And why do we take the bus when the bus is the one taking us?

Wakko

And how come the letter W is called "double U," but the letter M isn't called "double N"?

Good question, Wakko. And if you ate pasta and anti‐pasta, wouldn't a black hole open in your stomach?

And why is mixed fruit called a fruit salad, but mixed cheese is called a cheese board?

Wakko

Why would you ever look a gift horse in the mouth unless you were a qualified horse dentist?

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[walks back into the water tower as the weather pours down rain; disappointed] Well, looks like the company picnic's gonna be canceled. [sits on the sofa]

Wakko

[dismayed] Aw, man. But I love the company picnic! They got games, and food, and games you play with food.

Yeah. Even though we're never invited, I really do look forward to getting kicked out every year.

Guess we could just watch WebPix until the weather clears up.

Wakko

WebPix? Is that like, Net‐‐

Exactly! It's a streaming service, loaded with thousands of the world's finest TV shows and movies.

Wakko

With all those options, how will we choose what to watch?

Well, that's the best part. Well, since every single thing on WebPix is top notch, we can just watch the first thing that comes up.

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Can't take it anymore.

Wakko

Me neither. Can't we just play food games since we missed the company picnic?

Oh, absolutely. We can do anything as long as we don't scroll through WebPix anymore. I've had a little too much of "the golden age of television." [throws the remote aside]

[A group of three kids are seen pausing the show on the TV screen]

GGirl

Should we watch that?

BBoy

Nah. Animaniacs is way too meta.

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[Last lines]

Everything as it should be!

Wakko

I could sure use another million-dollar hoagie!

[laughs] What a start to a season of TV, huh?!

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Phew. That was easy! Now, all we have to worry about is that All Seeing Eye.

Where?

There!

Wakko

Did they watch us when we go to the bathroom?

Weirdos!

[The Warners kick the screen, which flips directly to the opening theme]

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[In an Aliens movie parody, the sun gleams over a planet. The camera then cuts to see the abandoned WB Studio lot. The rickety metal WB Studio lot water tower bops gently in the breeze, its door hanging open. The camera pans over to a lab with a spaceship nearby. Inside, a light flickers. In the hallway, three dark figures crawl on the floor from a red light. In a room, three tables block the door. Nora hides behind a desk with Scratchy and Ralph]

RRalph

[holds a radar gun, and looks at it] Duh...8 meters. 7. Duh...6. [Scratchy cowers]

[pushes Scratchy down] It can't be! That means they're inside the room. That means we're incredibly stupid for not leaving!

SScratchy

Game over, man! Game over!

[The trio looks up at an air vent in the ceiling while hearing footsteps]

RRalph

[looks at the radar again] Duh...5 meters! And now, 1 less than 5! Uh, what's it called again?

You must be reading it wrong!

[Taking the radar gun from Ralph, Nora climbs on the desk. She peeks her head into the vent, holding a flashlight. Behind her in the darkness, three pairs of glowing eyes, shaped like stars, glow brightly. The lighting gives way to the figures from the hallway. Nora's eyes widen as she shines the flashlight on the figures. It's the Animaniacs crawling upside down]

WWarners

[in creepy voices] Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!

[Nora screams. Wakko turns his head right-side up, and opens his mouth in a smile, baring his sharp teeth at Nora while hissing. A miniature version of himself on the tip of his tongue does the same]

We mostly bounce at night. Mostly. [a facehugger protrudes from her mouth, then latches onto Nora's face]

[Nora screams as she struggles to get facehugging Dot off]

[grabs Dot and Wakko while still in his normal self] Heel! Heel! Sibs, am I right? Haha! Don't worry, they're harmless. [bright green acid drips from Dot and mini Wakko's mouths, then burns through the vent, making holes in which Ralph and Scratchy peek out; slides over to Nora with a smug look on his face] Ah, you know, they're just a little hangry. We're just trying to find the space cafeteria for a midnight snack. You couldn't point us in the right direction, could you? [with a confused look on her face, Nora points a direction] Thanks so much. Again, sorry for the hubbub. Ta-ta. Bye-bye now. [slides away on his stomach with his siblings beside him into a vent duct]

[Nora sighs with relief. She climbs down and screams to find Ralph laying down with a red stain on his chest]

SScratchy

[lifts his hand, which holds a jelly donut] Too many jelly donuts.

Quiet, you fool! You can't let them hear that word.

[They look over at the ceiling vent open. Nora and Scratchy gape. An orange cat licks its paw as Wakko and Dot appears]

WDWakko and Dot

Donuts?

[Yakko, with a gray Xenomorph crest on his head in place of his eyes, appears upside down. His mouth is open in a smile baring sharp teeth. Nora and Scratchy scream. From the point of view of Yakko's alien-like mouth with sharp teeth, the view cuts to black]

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[Last lines of the series]

Next time?! We don't even know if there's gonna be a next time, because our show hasn't been renewed for more seasons yet.

Wakko

But, why?! I thought people liked us?! [makes a sad puppy-eyed face]

We're all about to die!

Well, that's a bit dramatic, but I know how you feel, sis. Animaniacs brings laughter and hope to so many across the globe. So without it, yes. A little piece of all of us would die.

No, we're really all about to die.

[The giant meteor is falling onto Earth]

Oh. Well. If that's the case, we better think of a good way to end this show. There's a lot of pressure on our last lines.

Wakko

Oh, I know! What about-

[Before Wakko can say anything else, the meteor crashed and an explosion occurred and the title, "Stay Safe, Sweeties!" appears, ending the episode and the series altogether]