What I say ain't got nothing to do with what I think.
S2 E9The Insurance Is Cancelled
Can't you ask me an intelligent question?
Mike: I didn't want to confuse you.
WWendell
Well, Uncle Archie... Let me make this perfectly clear.
Mike: Where have I heard that one before?
LELittle Emmanuel
Archie! Por favor?
Archie: Yeah, pour some more.
S2 E10The Man in the Street
Oh my, red wine. I bet it's Manischewitz.
Archie: No Edith, I buy strictly American.
So tonight on the Walter Cronkite news, guess who youse is going to see there. Just think of somebody you all know and love.
Edith: Marcus Welby!
Archie: Oh geez, when are they gonna come out with a pill for dingbat.
I told that CBS guy, I said, 'Listen, there's millions of guys like me in the country that really believe in President Nixon. God believes in him, too.'
Mike: You said that on television? God believes in Nixon?
Archie: Certainly. Billy Graham plays golf with him, don't he?
Mike: What does that mean?
Archie: That means God believes in Nixon.
Mike: Wait a second, Archie. Are you saying that Nixon rules because of divine right?
Archie: It's a damn sight better than your divine left.
S2 E11Cousin Maude's Visit
Next time you want to time something, Edith, just let the sand run out of your head.
Did you hear me? I said breakfast was on the table.
Archie: I heard ya. So did every moose up in Canada!
Wait a minute... custard for them, what the hell do you call this?
Maude: It's my own invention: Cream Of Wheat with cheese... It's light, but it binds.
Archie: It looks like something I ate and lost.
You're in my chair, Maude!
Maude: So?
Archie: I wanna sit in my chair!
Maude: Oh?
Archie: Ya gonna get out of that chair?
Maude: NO!
This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!
Maude: You're fat.
S2 E13The Elevator Story
Archie's got a lot of sentiment. You just gotta know where to look for it.
Why don't you tell them (the Puerto Rican couple) about it? You speak their lingo, don't ya?
Hubert: What makes you think I speak their lingo?
Archie: Well, figured you learned some of it living up in Harlem.
Hubert: What makes you think I live in Harlem?
Archie: You look it.
Hubert: What makes you think?
S2 E14Edith's Problem
MMike
You know, it never occurred to me before. Mickey Mouse is black.
Archie: Aw, get outta here. Mickey Mouse ain't got no race. He stands for all men.
Mike: That's why Walt (Disney) made him a mouse.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.