Looks like I'm down to my last Tanner. Little Eric. An amorphous pink blob. What can he do? He drools, he laughs at stupid things he whines and cries to get attention. Well, at least we have those things in common.
[ALF is in adult Eric Sr.'s dream where he is in "The Eric & Sparky Show"]
Shall we play another one, Sparky?
You go ahead. I'll be by the water cooler.
Oh, you're such a poop! [hits ALF]
Ow, ow! Not so hard, Eric!
You know what time it is now, Sparky?
Uh-oh.
Yes! It's Mr. Mailbag time. Let's see. Here's a letter from Billy Redseed of Portland, Oregon. And it seems Billy has a fascination with FIRE!
You know, these letters should really be screened first.
Billy would like to see Sparky jump through hoops of flames! Fire, Sparky!
I don't like where television's going.
Ta-da!
You've gotta be kidding. I'll never get through those.
Well, anybody can get through the big ones. Now stop being Mr. Negative and show the boys and girls at home that the body can achieve what the mind can conceive.
Oh, Mr. Eric, Mr. Sparky. Mr. Big Hand's on the 12.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Big Hand. I'll take you out for a Mr. Cocktail later.
Well, that's all the time we have for today, kids. But be sure to tune in next week for everybody's favorite "Fun With Sharp Objects." Ow! See you next week. Right, Sparky?
God willing.
And we're out.
Eric, are you crazy? I'm not jumping through hoops of fire!
First, you won't swim through mud. Then you have a hissy fit about being thrown through a window. And now you get upset over a little fire. Where is it going to end?
I don't need this, Eric.
You're right. You don't need this. I'm gonna do something I should have done a long time ago.
Clean my box?
I want you to meet someone. [whistles] Sparky, this is Bootsy. Bootsy, this is Sparky.
Always a pleasure to meet one of your dates.
I have some bad news, Sparky. I don't want you to take this personally but you're out of the act.
What? How could you do this to me after 30 years? I practically raised you. If it's the fire thing, I'll do it. I'll jump through the stinking hoops and land on sharp objects. Let's see Bootsy do that!
ALF, don't humiliate yourself. Goodbye.
Hey, wait! [the guys close the jack-in-the-box on him]
Aw, Bootsy's giving you a big Bootsy bye-bye!
[inside the jack-in-the-box] Yeah, well, I'm giving Bootsy a gesture of my own. Gee, it's dirty in here. [comments on a photo as his dream with Eric ends] Well, the kids are a wash. I guess I'm gonna have to take my chances with Willie and Kate. But Willie's my goombah. He'll hang on. And Kate? I'll just have to keep Willie functional as long as possible.
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