Brian, Sr., ALF and others in “Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades”

Here you go, ALF. I gave you some extra meat fat.

ALF

Brian, is this eating-on-the-floor thing gonna be permanent?

I'm sorry. Roxanne doesn't want anything with fur at the table unless she's wearing it.

ALF

The cat gets to eat at the table.

I know it seems inconsistent, but she says it's not. And I believe her.

ALF

Your wife hates me.

There you go again. You've got a persecution complex a mile long. Brakes fail. Elevator cables snap. Beds go aflame.

ALF

All before lunch? Come on, B, what do you say we grab a few pillow cases of this cash get some plastic surgery and start over?

ALF, Roxanne is my wife, and I love her. Besides, her family's olive-oil business has been very good for all of us.

ALF

Oh, Brian, Brian. Stupid Brian. Have you seen one olive in the last 20 years? Your wife runs the most powerful mob family in North Hollywood.

That's not true. You take that back!

ALF

Oh, come on. Why is there always so much cash around here?

Okay. Alright. I asked her about that. She said a lot of their olive oil is sold on freeway off-ramps. It's a cash business. [the musicians come to visit Brian, Sr.'s house] Hello, sweetheart. [he and his wife kiss]

I've missed you.

Hey, Vinnie. Hey, Buck.

Boys, why don't you wait outside until the big concert tonight?

I think it is so nice that you give them time off to pursue their musical career. God.

ALF, I brought you something. [ALF gasps] Do you know what that means?

ALF

Didn't Uncle Louie get one of these just before that freak welding accident?

Hi, Mom and Dad.

Angel.

Hello, Son.

ALF

Brian, Jr. My favorite, favorite child.

[annoyed] It's bothering me again.

Oh, don't worry, Brian. I gave it a black rose.

Ciao.

Honey, I'm gonna go into town. I'm gonna get a manicure and a facial.

ALF

Good idea. I'll go with you. I could use a mudpack.

I don't want you leaving the compound right now. I know, why don't you go upstairs and try on that nice, little present I got you when I was in Washington at those pesky committee hearings?

Cool! A guy could get used to this.

Oh, you.

Mom, yesterday I saw ALF on the couch. And this time, I've got a fur ball to prove it.

ALF

Oh, what a nice boy you are. But might I suggest that perhaps the fur ball belongs to the cat?

You have never liked Fifi, have you? Hmm?

ALF

Me? I love that cat. What you may not know is we share the same rare blood type. Which could come in handy if Fifi were ever caught in, oh, say, musical crossfire.

Boys, take Mr. Shumway to the amphitheater and play for him.

ALF

The amphitheater? It's not even finished yet. They're just now pouring the ceme... [whines as his dream with Brian ends] Brian! Wow. Imagine Brian being a kept man. Well, at least he found something he's good at. Life stinks, and then 400 years later, you die. Kind of a bummer, isn't it?