[arrives at the farm after running away from the Tanners] Hello? Anyone in here? I, uh I ran out of gas just down the road. Hello? Interesting aroma. Oh, hey, I don't suppose you have a key to the house. I need to use the phone. [the cow moos] Sorry. I guess I can relate to you. We're all prisoners in one way or another. But must it be so? I cannot change my own destiny, Maybe I could change yours. Go! Get along, little doggy. Yee-hah!
ALF!
Willie, how did you find me?
I saw the car parked down by the side of the road. I followed the empty candy wrappers here.
I was going to pick them up on my way back. They were to help me find the car.
What happened?
You neglected to fill the tank.
ALF, you don't have to turn yourself in.
I must. I must-
No, no, I know who's blackmailing you. And he doesn't think you're an alien, alien. He thinks that you're an illegal alien.
You mean I almost turned myself in because of semantics? [yelling] I ALMOST TURNED MYSELF IN BECAUSE OF SEMANTICS!
ALF, why did you- Why didn't you come to me before you did something this drastic?
I did come to you. If you'll recall, you didn't believe me.
Oh, I know. I'm sorry, pal.
Besides, he threatened to have you guys arrested. I thought I'd work through this myself.
ALF, what was the last thing you tried to do by yourself?
Build a skating rink in the living room. Egad! A pattern.
We'd better get out of here before somebody sees you.
Ok, but wait. We can't leave my friend.
Your friend?
Yeah. I named her after your wife.
Kate?
Bossy. Besides, you know what happens to them.
ALF, this is a milk cow. They don't slaughter milk cows.
They don't? You lying cow! Come on. Let's hit the trail, Willie Earp.
[sees a light flashing] Somebody's coming.
I'll hide in the kitchen. Where's the kitchen?
Just hide.
[turns on the light and meets Willie] Who are you?
I'm Willie Tanner. I'm from the city.
What're you doing here?
Oh, well, I-
I know what you're doing. You're a chicken thief!
Oh, no, no, no, you see-
I really hate thieves. They're always taking things that don't belong to them. You win.
Well, look here, My car ran out of gas down the road. I was just wondering if, maybe, i could get some from you?
Why didn't you say so? Sure. I can fill this up for you, I got a tank.
Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Say, how much would you want for that?
$20.
$20 for a gallon of gas?
The nearest gas station is a 4-hour walk. Kind of cold to be walking in jammies. Thank you. I'll go fill this up for you. [leaves the farm as ALF comes out]
He was nice. Why didn't you tip him?
Just get back to the car.
Ok. Race you back to town.
No. There's not going to be any racing. Kate's going to drive our car, I'm going to take Trevor's.
Ok. Just a second. Bossy, it's been a pleasure. Take care of yourself and watch that cholesterol, huh?
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More ALF quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's ALF pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.