Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. quotes

Simmons

[arguing with Coulson, pretending to act as his daughter] All mom ever wanted was your love. To be with you! In our two-story Victorian home in the Cotswolds! But could you even give her a moment, what with your banking job requiring you to travel to the States from Tuesday to Saturday every other week?! No!

[interrupts] I'm terribly sorry about your loss, dear. [turns towards Coulson] As for you, now is your chance to do better. Why don't you see that you take it?

Simmons

Thank you, sir.

Let's go. [the passenger walks away]

Simmons

He's right. You never had time for her, but you made time for your work! And your prostitutes!

Coulson

Prostitutes? Plural?

Skye

Fitz, have you ever heard of an 0-8-4 being a person?

Fitz

No, but I suppose it's possible. I'd hate to meet the guy.

Coulson

Garrett? What the hell are you doing here?

Well, as opposed to the Level 8 jackass I'm staring at, I still follow orders.

Coulson

You're the worst at following orders.

How did Coulson score such a sweet ride?

Ward

He died.

Trip

That's tight.

Well, I'm a bit of a sweet talker when I need to be. [about Ward] You wouldn't believe what I could talk this son of a gun into.

My head's still ringing from the last visitor.

At least the last visitor left you with a head. I'm not always that considerate. I'm interested in one of your newer projects.

Hmm? Oh, but there are so many to choose from. [Garrett grabs him by the tongue.]

Let me be clear: you have no rights. You have no lawyer. The only thing keeping Agent Coulson here from throwing you out of this plane is the very weak heartbeat of a young agent downstairs, and the only incentive I have for not tearing your tongue out is that you use it to answer my questions. Is that clear?

Fitz

Comms are down. There's too much mountain on top of us.

Trust me – it's better. You don't want them hearing the horrible death we're walking into.

Humor, son. You Brits are too serious. Besides, if the job was easy...

Ward

It wouldn't be fun.

Fitz

I'm not afraid - not yet.

You know, usually when a friend wants a favor they do something nice. Takes me to a nice restaraunt, buys me a bottle of wine.

Coulson

Want to go to a movie? Hold hands? Okay, but I need to ask you a question first.

I don't know where director Fury is. Don't be so shocked. For a quiet guy you make a lot of noise. How many favors have you called in?

Coulson

Clearly not enough.

Something I can help you with? [Coulson stays quiet] Fine, but Fury is a high level agent who is off grid. You don't find him unless he wants to find you. You did something like that once too. Remember? I never asked you. How was Tahiti?

Coulson

It sucked.

Lady Sif

What dark magic is this? Thor said you perished at the hand of Loki.

Coulson

And he was right. For a while anyway. But Loki wasn't the only one with some tricks up his sleeve. Turns out S.H.I.E.L.D. had a few of their own.

Sif

Thor will be pleased to hear it. He considers you a friend.

Coulson

I feel the same. Which is why I prefer he hear it from me, if that's okay.

I wanted gold! You bring me paper?

It's cash. It's like gold. This is the currency here.

[points at a $100 bill] And who's this ugly women?

That's... uh... that's Ben Franklin. He used to be president. He used to rule this whole country.

And women can rule your land? Can they not?

You'd be the first.

Yes. I will.

Skye

What can I do? And don't you dare say "nothing" or tell me to sit down here and count ceiling tiles while Ward is missing.

Coulson

Ward's got drop boxes and storage lockers all over the world. They're filled with currency, weapons, ID's. He's gonna use aliases, cash, anything to keep Lorelei off the radar. You're the best radar we have. Find them.

Kill me. I'd rather die than go back to that place.

Sif

You'll not get off that easy.

Why? It's what you want. I can see it in your eyes. Or would you rather hear about how the man you loved followed me around like a dog? Hear of his touch? His kiss? The look in his eyes when I...

Sif

You were saying?

Simmons

We'd like to send a blood sample of yours to some colleagues to do a molecular breakdown. Maybe if you spoke to Agent Coulson...

Skye

Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. If Coulson thinks it's important that this thing stays between us, then we should trust him, right? He's the boss.

Simmons

So you're saying we should obey the rules?

Fitz

Who are you and what have you done with Skye?

You a scorpio? I was just wondering why our newest agent paired the two of us together. Must have thought we were compatible in some way.

May

It was random, Blake.

You seem like a scorpio.

May

You don't believe in the Clairvoyant, but you believe in astrology.

I have some theories of my own.

Mr. Peterson... stop. You have a son - Ace. He needs you. We can still help you, Mike.

Deathlok

Mike Peterson's dead.