Jim quotes from According to Jim

Jim

All right. I was hoping you wouldn't come to this, but I'm gonna have to call the Halloween police. That's right, Kyle. What you do is illegal. But they're not gonna arrest you. No, they're gonna come and take daddy away. Is that what you want?

I want to be Cinderella!

Jim

All right! (looks at Andy) That's it, I need a break. You want a beer?

Jim

Erik Estrada asked me directions and he gave me.. the guns!

Cheryl

"It was not Erik Estrada and it was the thumbs up sign!

Jim

Guns!

Cheryl

Thumbs up!

Jim

GUNS!

Cheryl

THUMBS UP!

Jim

Cheryl, can Kyle swim?

Cheryl

I don't care. Hey, were's Andy? I thought you guys had that Indianapolis 500 thing?

Jim

Yeah, we did, but then he remembered he had a doctor's appointment. You know what? He's been on this health kick ever since he had those chest pains. I don't get it.

Cheryl

Hey, you know what? I'm going to do a few pages in our holiday scrap book later. Wanna help me?

Jim

I'm bored Cheryl, not somebody else.

Are you Fluffy's father.

Jim

I'd like to think so, but he looks a lot like the mailman.

Cheryl

How's Fluffy?

Jim

Well, he needs surgery. It costs 2100 bucks.

Cheryl

Oh my God. When's it scheduled for?

Jim

Well, the same day that 2100 dollars falls from the sky.

Cheryl

"kay, honey I know it's a lot of money, but we're just gonna have to find some ways to make some cutbacks.

Jim

You know what, you're absolutely right. First cutback: Fluffy the guinea pig!

Cheryl

Are you crazy?

Jim

Yes. You know that.

Cheryl

Oh, honey. You know you're the only man for me. And you know when we're inside that bedroom, we are both only thinking about you.

There's no way that this milk can stretch over three bowls of cereal.

Jim

You know what? When your daddy was raised during the Great Depression . . . you know what we had to put in our cereal? Tears.

Ruby

The Great Depression was in the 30s.

Jim

Honey, we were so poor that we couldn't afford calendars.

I'm a little worried, Jim. I don't know how I'm going to explain all this extra I've won to my wife.

Jim

That is the most pathetic sentence I have ever heard.

I just think she's going to catch it. She gives me 40 bucks a week spending money.

Jim

I stand corrected: that is the most pathetic sentence I have ever heard.

Jim

Bill! Bill! Bill!

My name's Phil.

Jim

Who cares!