Absolutely Fabulous · Season 1
It feels really tight!!
Of course it's tight. It's all that olive oil you've rubbed into your perineum, darling, isn't it? You've marinated it! It's good for a barbecue, not for birth! That's what you've done, darling.
I haven't been using it! Not since Patsy put a chili in it!!
Darling, who was your favourite Stone?
Oh darling, you didn't have a favourite Stone, you had 'em all!
Anyway, darling, if you could harm a baby by shaking it, you'd've been a goner! [Laughs] Patsy used to shake you about, didn't you?
Yeah, when you'd swallowed pennies.
Yeah, always swallowing pennies, weren't you?
Yeah, well we had to put them somewhere! You were like a little money box. Put one in, then shake it when we want it out again!
[On the phone to Saffy] Yeah, all right, darling... Well listen to me, we're coming home now... Didn't you get my note?.. Well all right, that's fine, we'll come home now, darling... Yeah, let's forget about education, shall we sweetheart? D-Dio..bio..versity.. and everything like that, sweetheart... We'll just come home now and live in the domain of ignorance, shall we, and watch Teletubbly videos if that's what you want!.. Yeah, all right, we'll see you in a minute... No, I am not drunk! How could I be drunk? I'm at the bloody zoo!
Right, darling, we'll go to the office and I can drop you at your interview.
Interview!? I thought she just slept with the publisher!
[Talking about Saffy and Paolo] They haven't done it, y'know. I don't think she's ever done it. I mean, she can't be that unattractive, is she? Is she?
She is a virgin in a world where men will even turn to soft fruit for pleasure!
Do you remember your first time?
Y'know it's all a blank with me until 1968.
Oh, yeah... God, I remember mine.
What did you feel?
Well, just grateful, really, y'know.
Why?
'Cause you were always on my back!
You'd think I'd remember that!
I was taken up, up to Heaven and I spoke with God.
What about?
Well, shopping mainly...
It is so lovely to have everything back to normal after that terrible thing last year.
Yes, yes... 7/11.
(angrily) What?!
Oh, you know darling... the 24/7...Oh, 7/11!
9/11!
9/11, I knew that!
[Edina meets her son, whom she finds out is gay but quite dull.]
Darling, being gay is the best excuse you'll ever have not to be boring!
..And I'm partial to an injection of adrenaline straight to the heart.
Jacks, I don't remember any good times.
Oh yes, darling. Parties! You remember the party we had when mother died? That was a great time. How happy we were...
And for lunch, sweetheart, for Christmas lunch, who comes to that?
Well, there's me and John...
Is he from Gabon?
What?
Is he from Gabon?
Gabon?
Yes, is he from Gabon?
Why are you saying that...
Gabon.
Will you stop saying that!
Will you ask her if he's from the Gabon.
[Irritated] Is he from Gabon?
No!
No, he's not from Gabon, so shut up!
I don't want to discuss vulgar matters, but when you are with the other fellow, what's the procedure? How do you decide who is the gentleman and who is the lady?
(looking uncomfortable) Well, I..I'm the lady.
Oh, you're the lady!
(while Patsy chokes on the turkey) Oh, I knew this would happen!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Absolutely Fabulous pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
