My New Year's resolution, sweetie… to have more fun! What's yours, Pats?
Ohh, well, I think I'll just try to be more relaxed.
You? More relaxed? What is that, dead? Well, that cancels out my resolution.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
This is my daughter, Saffy.
Never mind, too late to flush her now
I'm Saffy's father.
How sweet of you to admit to a thing like that.
Did you have the same father?
No one knows. Mother was such a slut.
It could have been any of the men in any of the bars in France. Y'know, she was always the entertainment.
OOliver
Before slot machines?
She was the slot machine!
[Edina and Patsy are looking at the pornographic magazine 'Razzle,' that Saffy found in her brother's room]
It's disgusting! That is so degrading to women!
What do you mean? She's got the whip!
I think we should have a little talk, don't you?
Have you seen this, darling, this Nancy Friday? It's extraordinary! She gets complete strangers to relate their filthiest thoughts and then sells them as therapy. It's fantastic!
Mum, I want to know what you're planning for tomorrow night.
Armpit kissing! Would you kiss an arm-..
[Interrupting] I want to know!
Sweetie, it is simply the extrication of myself from the burden of sexual norms, and the restoration of my own powerful, and integrated sexuality.
An orgy?
Yeah, that's the one.
Ok, I got you condoms and femidoms. You are going to be safe, right?
Yes of course sweetie. [Looking in the bag]
Have you opened these?
GGrandma
They don't put fingers on these gloves.
CClaudia
Next week's very busy for me. I'm launching Erica Jong's new book, 'Sex With Myself' at Sticky Fingers. Bill's thrilled, he loves huge openings!
Anyway, I just have to tell these tragic, little wannabes, do you know what I tell them? I say, darling, "just stick your fingers down your throat, hack off your tits, keep taking the tablets and don't come back until you're looking like something!" Y'know?
NCNaomi Campbell
Yeah, I remember you.
Talking to yourself, dear? That's the first sign of madness, y'know?
Really? I thought it was talking to you!
MMagda
[on the phone] No, no, no, mate. I don't even get out of bed and piss for that kinda money!
Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life you're better off just downing a bottle of whisky. At least that way you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously!
Oh, the police phoned. They've released your mother.
Damn!
Good, though, ain't it? 'Cause they haven't had a record out for years!
No. This is not how it's going to be any more. Mum, I am not going to be here just to put you to bed, to feed you, stub out your joints, clear out the sick, lie for you, disapprove of you. And not just you. [rounds on Patsy] You as well, cesspit from hell, stinking bag of bones that haunts this house every day like a mouldering cadaver, leeching the lifeblood out of everything it can get its filthy suckers onto. Well I'm fed up of being suckered! I will not take this anymore and this is not how it's going to be!
[Eddy has started practising yoga]
Couple of weeks and I'll be bending like Madonna, won't I darling? I'll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions!
[Riding on Eddy's scooter] You used to have one of these when you were a girl!
Yeah, but I was never allowed on it.
No, you were too big for it, you wobbled.
The scooter wobbled!
If you say so..
I have perfect balance, [to Saffy] sweetheart, look.
Wheels don't buckle on their own.
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