Lemon, I want you to get better because, and I mean this, I'm tired of talking this much to a woman I'm not having sex with.
S5 E9Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish
I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club, and you take that problem and crush it with your mind vise. But for lesser beings like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.
S5 E11Mrs. Donaghy
This isn't my first rodeo, Lemon.
Well, I've been to a rodeo too. It was a cat rodeo, in a gay guy's apartment.
My husband and I are absolutely so pleased to be underwriting the Jack and Elizabeth Donaghy High School for Teen Drama, the Arts, and Feelings. As embarrassed Americans, Jack and I pledge 5 million dollars to create a new generation of choreographers and puppeteers, clowns, video artists, and theatrical jugglers who will ask the world: what is art?
Jack (to TV): We know what art is: it's paintings of horses!
See, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when there's no order, no planning. Hitler and Martha Stewart would've hated that wedding.
For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck. I thought it looked nice, but he, rightly, pointed out that it made me look like a giant condom.
S5 E12Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning
Doesn't matter how long you've lived in New York, it's still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.
There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vinatage t-shirt stores and a banjo.
You are disgusting! And I have absolutely no reason to apologise to him.
And I have no reason to hug her other than my love of having boobs pressed against me.
S5 E13¡Que Sorpresa!
Michael Kors is a friend --- we own a gay racehorse together --- and I convinced him to make wizard cloaks fashionable this winter.
HHHank Hooper
You have a reputation, Jack. As a shark. Kabletown, we’re not sharks. We’re more like... whatever the friendliest fish is. I’m not a science guy.
S5 E14Double-Edged Sword
The Empire State Building will be lit in the color of your choosing.
Clear.
Sea World will now let you borrow a killer whale for spring break.
I'll need a whale saddle.
And Steven Spielberg wants you to star is his next movie.
Kate Capshaw's husband?!
If I can't poop in the street, why should my tax dollars pay for someone else to?
I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway!
My fanny pack is in my office in my mini-fridge. I like my tampons to be cold.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 30 Rock pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.