How dare you say such things so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, patron saint of judgmental statues!
S3 E11St. Valentine's Day
S3 E12Larry King
What everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.
You ready for Larry King Live tonight?
You know it. I cursed for 3 hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.
S3 E13Goodbye, My Friend
Now let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
My client has no memory of that.
I also would have accepted "You can't prove that's the governor's semen."
Lemon - there was once a great American named George Henderson. He met a woodland ape, or sasquatch, and, despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, became his friend. When the time came to do the hard thing and send it back into the forest where it belonged, and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, George Henderson summoned the strength and by God he did it! Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. Like a bastard. But he did it because it was the right thing to do. For the woodland ape. You think about that.
What?! ...Is that Harry and the Hendersons?
You've seen it?
This is my life, Jack!
S3 E14The Funcooker
I've spent the better part of the last 3 years developing a portable, miniature microwave oven. Most of that time has been spent coming up with a hip, edgy name for the product, something that will appeal to the marketing Holy Trinity - college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals.
Alright everyone, it's back to the drawing board. Legal rejected all of our ideas - every one of the names we came up with was offensive in some language, including English, Frank.
They knew what a Hot Richard was?
S3 E15The Bubble
The bubble isn't always a bad thing. Look at me. I turned out okay.
Jack, I want you to pay close attention to the following over-the-top eye roll. [rolls eyes] Oh, brother.
Lemon, I don't share this often, but this is a photo of me when I was 25 years old.
What the what?! You have a Superman chest!
I know.
Oh my God, the lady will have two tickets to the gun show! Your eyes are so much bluer... what happened to your eyes?
My point is, Lemon, the bubble doesn't last forever, so get in there with Drew and enjoy those perks while you can.
Can I keep that?
No. It's my only copy.
You wake a sleepwalker, you risk getting urinated on.
Or thanked! ...on.
S3 E16Apollo, Apollo
[Liz answers her door] Hello, dummy.
No! Nope, not interested. Have a good life.
This is important, it's about my mom. [Liz reluctantly lets him in] That was a lie, but listen, Elizabeth. I recently discovered that I'm a sex addict.
No, you're not.
Yeah I am, and I'd be an even worse sex addict if I wasn't consumed by my latest business venture.
I don't want to hear about your job, Dennis.
One word: coffee. One problem: where do you get it?
Anywhere! You get it anywhere!
Wrong! You get it at my coffee vending machine. 38th & 6th in the basement of the K-Mart. You just go downstairs, you get the key from David and BOOM! You plug in the machine and...
You're done.
What happens to us?
We grow up.
I had a good life, but I'll never be that happy again. I want THAT back.
What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!
That is solid.
S3 E17Cutbacks
[rapping] My name is Suri Cruise.
Put your hands in the air!
I came out of the womb
With a full head of hair!
Mr. Donaghy, I know you said only interrupt you if was very important, but Tishonda from Time Warner Cable is on the phone, and she's offering three free months of Showtime, but we have to act now!
Kenneth, you know how you told Tracy not to go into your bedroom? Well, naturally we assumed you were a serial killer, and as you can imagine, your bird is dead.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 30 Rock pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.