30 Rock quotes
268 total quotesKenneth: Oh, Miss Lemon. You have several messages. Aw, let's see, that company running the bike tour in South Carolina says no singles. Uh, your credit card called; they want to make sure you're the one buying cream soda in bulk.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.
Liz: [after seeing "Tracy" sitting in the middle of the hallway] Tracy, get out of the hallway.
Tracy: [jumps out from around the corner] OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.
Tracy: [jumps out from around the corner] OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.
Liz: [Singing while eating cheese] Working on my night cheese. [knock at the door] Uhh, Jack! Do you know what time it is? I was sound asleep.
Jack: I heard you singing "Night Cheese". Lemon, I've had a crazy night. We all could learn a lot from Tracy Jordan. We went out clubbing; his life is like Enron 1999. It's wild.
Elisa: [sneaks in] I'm sure it was!
Liz: How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?!
Jack: I heard you singing "Night Cheese". Lemon, I've had a crazy night. We all could learn a lot from Tracy Jordan. We went out clubbing; his life is like Enron 1999. It's wild.
Elisa: [sneaks in] I'm sure it was!
Liz: How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?!
Liz: I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider them erotica.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.
Liz: If I have learned anything from my Sims family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
Liz: Maybe Donald is Tracy's son, because maybe Tracy is sixty.
Pete: No, that's ridiculous.
Liz: Think about it: he can't rap, he has diabetes, a lot of his friends are dead--
Pete: He falls asleep in chairs, he doesn't know how to use a computer, he's always mad at the TV--
Toofer: His favorite show is NCIS.
Liz: He might be seventy!
Pete: No, that's ridiculous.
Liz: Think about it: he can't rap, he has diabetes, a lot of his friends are dead--
Pete: He falls asleep in chairs, he doesn't know how to use a computer, he's always mad at the TV--
Toofer: His favorite show is NCIS.
Liz: He might be seventy!
Liz: No, listen to me. She's not fun, she's just crazy. Like, grab-a-cop's-gun crazy.
Jack: Lemon, having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and you for what feels like infinity, I'm going to go with Claire on this one.
Jack: Lemon, having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and you for what feels like infinity, I'm going to go with Claire on this one.
Liz: That's what I could do to Drew.
Jenna: Drug him? Liz, no. Having been on both sides of that, I could tell you it's not a good idea.
Liz: No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having a little welcome to the building party for him but there is no party and then when he shows up I'll laugh and say "oh it's the wrong night" and then he'll laugh and say one glass couldn't hurt and then I will put my mouth on his mouth!
Jenna: Drug him? Liz, no. Having been on both sides of that, I could tell you it's not a good idea.
Liz: No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having a little welcome to the building party for him but there is no party and then when he shows up I'll laugh and say "oh it's the wrong night" and then he'll laugh and say one glass couldn't hurt and then I will put my mouth on his mouth!
Liz: We need to get these guys! Don't you know the Postmaster General?
Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. If I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd return Joan Baez's phone calls.
Jack: I do, but we had a falling out over the Jerry Garcia stamp. If I wanted to lick a hippie, I'd return Joan Baez's phone calls.
Liz: What is wrong with you men? You're like junkies...why can't you just say no?
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into... never mind.
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into... never mind.
Liz: Where are you gonna get a kidney from?
Jack: I don't know, but I have the entire liberal media establishment at my disposal. The same manipulation machine that got people to vote for Barack Obama, and donate all that money after Rainstorm Katrina. I'm going to use that to find my Dad a kidney.
Season 4
Jack: I don't know, but I have the entire liberal media establishment at my disposal. The same manipulation machine that got people to vote for Barack Obama, and donate all that money after Rainstorm Katrina. I'm going to use that to find my Dad a kidney.
Season 4
Liz: You ready for Larry King Live tonight?
Tracy: You know it. I cursed for 3 hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.
Tracy: You know it. I cursed for 3 hours straight just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch.
Liz: You're breaking union rules. Our insurance doesn't cover any of this. And you're potentially infringing on Warner Brothers intellectual property. Shut this down!
Tracy: I want a different answer. Where's Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there's no more Jack. He's dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!
Tracy: I want a different answer. Where's Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there's no more Jack. He's dead to us. Break this down! Everybody out!
Milton: One month I couldn't pay, so she said maybe there was something else I could give her. So I gave her my radio. Then a couple of weeks later, we got drunk and had sex.