Hacker and Sir Humphrey in “The Moral Dimension”

Hacker

Are you telling me Humphrey that the BES contract was won by bribery?

Sir Humphrey

Oh Minister, I do wish you wouldn't use words like bribery.

Hacker

What would you like me to say? Slush funds, sweeteners, brown envelopes?

Sir Humphrey

Oh Minister these are extremely crude and unworthy expressions for what is no more than creative negotiation. It is the general practice.

Hacker

You do realise what you're saying don’t you, Humphrey? I ratified that contract, didn’t I? In good faith!

Sir Humphrey

Yes indeed, Minister.

Hacker

And in that communiqué I issued to the press, I announced a British success won in a fair fight!

Sir Humphrey

Mm, yes, I did wonder about that bit.

Hacker

Now you're telling me it was got by bribery.

Sir Humphrey

No, Minister.

Hacker

Oh, it was not got by bribery?

Sir Humphrey

That is not what I said.

Hacker

What did you say?

Sir Humphrey

I said I'm not telling you it was got by bribery.

Hacker

Well how would you describe these payments?

Sir Humphrey

How does the contract describe them you mean? Oh, well, that's really quite simple. Retainers, personal donations, special discounts. Miscellaneous outgoings, agents' fees, political contributions, management expenses.

Hacker

And how are these payments made?

Sir Humphrey

Well anything from a numbered account in a Swiss bank, to a fistful of used oncers slipped under the door of the gents.