Bernard Woolley quotes from Yes, Minister

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[Bernard is waiting at the Hackers' flat for the Minister to come home]

AHAnnie Hacker

He's obviously been held up. You can stamp some of these cards for me while you're waiting if you like.

Bernard Woolley

Oh, but aren't they to constituents?

Yes.

Bernard

Well, that's not government business, Mrs Hacker, that's political activity. I'm not allowed to help with the Minister's political activities.

Suppose they were all to journalists?

Bernard

Oh, that would be alright.

They're all to journalists.

Bernard

Fine. I suppose licking is an essential part of relationships with the press.

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[Discussing possible reasons for the Prime Minister's early retirement]

Bernard

Minister, I've heard something quite different.

What?

Bernard

That there is £1 million worth of diamonds from South Africa in a Downing Street safe, but of course it's only a rumour.

Is that true?

Bernard

Oh, yes.

So, there ARE all those diamonds in Downing Street!

Bernard

Are there?

You just said there were.

Bernard

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did! You said you'd heard this rumour, I said is it true, you said yes!

Bernard

I said yes, it was true that it was a rumour.

You said you heard it was true!

Bernard

No, I said it was true that I heard it!

I'm sorry to cut into this important discussion, but do you believe it?

I believe I heard it. Oh, about the diamonds. No.

Is it impossible?

No, but it's never been officially denied. First rule in politics: never believe anything until it's officially denied.

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Bernard, what would you say to your present master as the next Prime Minister?

Bernard

The Minister?

Yes.

Bernard

Mr Hacker?

Yes.

Bernard

As Prime Minister?

Yes.

[Bernard checks his watch]

Are you in a hurry?

Bernard

No; I'm just checking to see it wasn't April the First.