Xena! I was just talking about you! Sort of.
Beauty contest!! You sent urgent word for us to see some underdressed, overdeveloped bimbos in a beauty contest!
Wake me when you get to the urgent part!
Now why don't you just cancel the pageant?
Lord Clairon's tried that. Each of these guys is so invested in winning, nobody wants to quit first. The way I see it – what we need is a contestant to keep an eye on things from the inside.
Oh, no, no, no! Don't even look at me. Now you know how I feel about these women being victimized by meat markets.
She's right. But war makes everyone a victim. So... meet Miss Amphipolis.
Looking for this? Now I want some straight answers.
AMiss Artifice
you've got the wrong girl. Okay, okay, I was just kidding where's you're sense of humor?
Gee, I must have sweated it out. That you idea of funny too?
AArtifice
I was just trying to scare you.
Why did you want to scare me?
AArtifice
because I knew you knew. You know about me. And I didn't want you telling anyone. But when I came back to unlock the door, you had already gone.
What made you think I would tell.
AArtifice
You really don't get it do you? I guess being born a woman, you wouldn't. This is a chance for me to use a part of me most people usually laugh at. Or worse. The part I usually have to hide. Only here, that part works for me, see?
I don't think so.
AArtifice
Look, I don't expect you to understand. And I'm sorry I got you steamed, I just hope you'll let me quit the pageant in private instead of going public with it.
No way. May the best person win.
This is sabotage!
Gabrielle, it's just a bad dress.
Bad dress? Xena, Chiffon is bad. Chartreuse is bad. But this is a disaster. You will be eliminated half way down the catwalk.
Calm down. Look, if it really bothers you, I'll fix it. [Cuts dress]
Trust me, you don't want to make me angry.
CClairon
Oh, on the contrary. I'm looking forward to it.
Okay. Are we having fun yet? Oops. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
So Miss Known World is a man?
Yep.
That's kind of funny, huh?
Why? Beauty is beauty.
And peace is peace.
Are you going to write about this?
Oh, yes. I was thinking about calling it “Queen for a –
Gabrielle.
“What a drag –
Gabrielle!
Okay, okay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Xena: Warrior Princess pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.