WordGirl · Season 1
Young man! Your performance in today’s competition was not authentic! You cheated! Which means you are disqualified! Therefore, the winner of field day is-- Becky Botsford!
I’ll be sure Becky gets her grand prize markers. In fact, I’ll deliver them to her personally!
[to Tobey] And as for you…
Yes?
I think we’ll be telling your mother about your behavior today!
No-- please-- I’ll do whatever you want! 50 push-ups! 100 squat-thrusts! Just don’t tell mother!
Um, okay. Hi everyone, and welcome to my slumber party.
Slumber birthday party!
I think everyone’s met Eileen…
I’m Eileen. And today’s my birthday! Welcome to my birthday slumber party!
Well, I’m sorry, but I’m already having my slumber party right now! So if you’d like to just--
It’s MY party! MY party! MY party! Mine! Mine! Mine!
[She starts to get bigger, and everyone has a horrified look on their face.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, tell you what. Um, since it’s your birthday, it can be both our parties!
Hurray! [Becky and Violet let out a sigh.] I brought a birthday card for ME! Everyone sign it!
WordGirl’s not so gweat! She’s just a nuisance! And it’s not even her birthday! It’s MY birthday! Mine! MINE! [She continues to grow as she gets angry.] MINE! MY PARTY! MY FRIENDS! MY CAKE! ALL MINE! MINE! MINE!
[Becky zips off as she watches Eileen grow. Eileen grabs three of the girls in one hand, and grabs Violet, TJ and Bob in the other. WordGirl flies out of the house and hovers nearby.]
Word UP!
[Eileen’s head pushes off the upper floor of the house. WordGirl zips over to catch it.]
“Go buy me an official WordGirl toothbrush protector.”
Honey, remind me to go to the store tomorrow and pick up a WordGirl toothbrush protector.
Good idea, hon! Let’s get two.
Why not thirty-two? One for each tooth? [He and the parents raise their hands in victory]
Yay!
Sounds good!
Uh, aren’t there better things to spend our money on than silly toys and accessories?
“Buy me the WordGirl remote control pickle jar!”
First thing in the morning!
Oooh, pick one up for me while you’re at it.
Oh, pickle one up for me too! [laughs]
[shouting] Everybody stop! [in a normal voice] Mom, Dad, you’re not acting like yourselves. You’re constantly spending money on frivolous, silly things just because the doll tells you to!
Constantly?
Yes, constantly. You’re doing it again and again. As in, constantly buying Walk-and-Talk WordGirl accessories.
But honey, this is WordGirl, and WordGirl never lies. If she says we need something, we need it!
Do you need it, or just want it, Dad? I mean, shouldn’t we be spending our money on more important things like, I don’t know, food?
Oh, don’t get indignant, honey. What’s so great about “food” anyway? We’re buying the WordGirl tree shaker instead!
The tree shaker? What does that even do?
Shakes trees! Trees sold separately.
“Buy the WordGirl glow-in-the-dark suntan lotion!”
[This time the eyes of the dolls glow green, and the eyes of TJ and Mr. and Mrs. Botsford turn green as well. They start to speak in a monotone.]
Glow-in-the-dark suntan lotion.
Okay, something’s going on here. It’s like the dolls have you under some sort of--
Suntan lotion.
Mind control! Come on, Bob. Time to pay another visit to Mr. Big!
Answer all my questions and win stuff! I’m your host, Seymour Orlando Smooth. Hi everyone, and welcome to the game show where the contestant is-- YOU! If you received an answer sheet in the mail last week, pull it out right now!
[picking up a paper next to her] Okay...
Alrighty then, here… we go! Please neatly print the answer to each question in the appropriately numbered box. Question one… what is a word beginning with the letter “P” that means agree to allow? For example, a parent signs her child’s “mmm-mmm-mmm” slip to go on a field trip.
Okay, kids. Will the contest finalists line up in the front of the class-- the front is up here-- in front of me? Okay, uh, don’t touch anything on Mr. Dudley’s desk. Settle down. Everyone’s costume looks so good-- not as good as my costume, but alas, there can only be one winner. And the winner is-- [does a pretend drum roll with his fingers]
[to himself] Me, me, let it be me!
Violet, as WordGirl!
I won?! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
[Mr. Dudley bring over a ribbon and pins it on her outfit.]
Here you go. Uh-- I’m gonna need that back later on…
Wh-- di-- Mr. Dudley, she cheated! Everyone knows she’s really WordGirl, she had that outfit in her closet!
Tobey? Do we need to call your mother?
No-- that’s quite alright. I’ll manage. [to himself] ...manage to ruin Halloween for everyone, that is! He-heh-heh-heh-ha-ha-ha! [he stops laughing as he realizes that everyone is staring at him.]
[Tobey and his mother pull up in their vehicle.]
This is going to be an important trip for you, Tobey, because you’re going to learn to appreciate nature. And hopefully grow out of this silly robot phase.
Yes, Mother. That would make sense, except that nature is a thing of the past! Technology and robots are--
TOBEY! No robots! I don’t want a repeat of what happened last summer at basketball camp!
[#1 flashback scene from basketball camp. Johnson is trying to play defense against one of Tobey’s robots, but it leaps over him and dunks the basket. Tobey exclaims, “I win again!”]
Or two summers ago at baseball camp!
[#2 flashback scene from baseball camp, showing Johnson pitching to one of Tobey’s robots, which uses a telephone pole as a bat and sends the ball flying. Tobey exclaims, “I win again.” and Johnson says, “Aw, that was our last ball!”]
Or last, last, LAST summer at drama camp!
[#3 flashback scene from drama camp as Johnson dressed as Macbeth and holding a skull, exclaiming, “To be or not to be, that is the question.” The robot responds, “My data indicates the answer is ‘to be’.” Tobey exclaims, “I win again!” Johnson shouts, “That doesn’t even make sense in this situation!”]
I mean it, Tobey! No giant robots, end of story! You need to be more independent, and learn to do things on your own!
[Tobey is now standing outside the car talking to her.]
Okay Mother, I promise. No giant robots!
[She drives off. Once she is gone, Tobey ponders to himself.]
I didn’t say anything about SMALL robots that turn INTO giant robots! Heh-heh-heh-heh!
[He retrieves a small robot from his pocket and sets it on the ground. He presses a button on a remote, and the robot grows to giant size.]
[TJ is in Becky's room playing with one of her unicorns and Becky comes into the room with Bob.]
TJ, I told you to quit going into my room! [gasps] And why are you holding Angelface?
Because I like him! He’s cool!
Put him down, please!
Wait, wait, watch. He can do tricks!
No-no, d--
[He tosses Angelface into the air and catches it.]
Air somersaults! [he tosses it again, but misses. This is followed by a slow-motion reaction shot from Becky.]
Nnnnnnn-oooooooo!
[The unicorn slowly falls to the floor and shatters. Becky’s face changes from panic into anger.]
Uh-oh.
[grabs TJ by the shirt] TJ Botsford, you’re NEVER allowed to go into my room AGAIN!
[Tim comes up to them.]
For the love of jellybeans, what’s all the ruckus? You know I need quiet when I’m working on my Sudoku's.
[Bob holds up the shattered pieces of the unicorn.]
Look!
[Tim gasps and hides his face]
Becky, it-- it was an accident!
Well, it never would have happened if you stayed out of my room like you’re supposed to!
She’s got you there, son.
But, I like to play with the unicorns. And if they’re in her room, that’s where I’ve gotta go.
Hmm. Looks like we have a sibling disagreement on our hands.
I wish I never HAD a sibling! [Becky goes back into her room and slams the door shut.]
She hates me.
You know, getting along with a sibling isn’t always easy.
TJ Why do you keep saying that word? What is a sibling?
Oh, a sibling is a-- um… well you see, TJ, in a family--there are...
[Becky impatiently opens her door.]
I’LL DO IT! A sibling is an individual who shares one or both parents with another person! [Becky goes back in her room and closes the door, but then she opens it once again.] So a sibling is a brother or sister just like a parent is a mom or dad! [She closes the door, then opens it again.] Mom and Dad are both our parents, so that makes us siblings! UNFORTUNATELY! [She closes the door again.]
I was just about to say… all the things she just said. Wow, that-- good job, Becky!
[through the door] You’re welcome.
[Becky and Bob are sitting on the couch watching TV, and Becky still looks upset. TJ comes into the room, and quietly sits next to her.]
Hi. [No response.] Hi. [Becky shuts off the TV, and picks up a book. Bob does the same.] Hi. [yelling] Dad, could you make Becky stop ignoring me? Dad? Dad!
[Tim is in the kitchen eating sandwiches made with crustless bread.]
Becky, will you watch some television with your brother?
Come on, Bob. Let’s go back to my room and stare at the shattered pieces of my unicorn! [She and Bob leave the room. TJ walks over to his dad.]
See, Dad? Still mad.
Well, if I were in your shoes, I’d take some money from my piggy bank and buy Becky a replacement unicorn.
That’s a great idea, Dad. How about driving me down to Unicorn Land so I can buy her a replacement?
You bet, son, and while we’re in town, I’d like to stop at the button store. [whispering] I’ve been eating so many crustless sandwiches I keep popping my buttons. Oop, there goes another one!
No more checkers!!
And a young girl... who fits the profile... of course! [to WordGirl] Freeze, WordGirl! Don’t make a move!
Huh?
Same goes for you, bunny rabbit! [Huggy groans.] Both of you-- empty your pockets!
[Huggy pulls out a banana and drops it, followed by a brush, a rubber chicken, and a stick with WordGirl’s head on it. Then he pulls out a traffic cone and a lobster.]
Okay... that's a little odd, but-- you’re clean. How about you, WordGirl?
My-- my pockets? But-- all I have in my pocket is-- this evidence! [She holds up the Penelope Pony figurine. The commissioner and the other officers gasp.] What? Oh-- oh, you think I-- because I had this in my-- no, no, no, no, no. Listen, this is seriously the funniest story...
[Eileen looks through the door with an evil grin.]
I don’t think I want to hear any more of your stories, WordGirl! You’re under arrest!
WHAT? No, you don’t understand!
WordGirl, this report was written by the police commissioner. It says the doll thief was a little girl. Tell me, are you a little girl?
Uh, [clearing throat] yes I am.
[The observers gasp.]
Oh. Well, little girl, this report also says that the doll thief had super strength-- do you have super strength?
Yes I do.
[More gasps, and the judge visibly reacts to her statement.]
Interesting, and didn't the police find THIS doll in your pocket?
[panicking] I was only holding it as evidence! I was helping to solve the crime!
But isn’t it true that you LOVE the Pretty Princess Magic Pony Power Hour?
[She holds the figurine in WordGirl’s face. After a long dramatic pause, WordGirl answers.]
Yes, I DO love it! I love it more than ANYTHING!
And what's your name, my friend?
TJ Botsford. And I'm really excited because I just got a bunch of money for my birthday.
Birthday money? Today is my mother's birthday. Okay, TJ, I'm going to grant you a wish, anything you want.
But, how do I know my wish will come true?
I'll prove it to you. Give me a dollar and close your eyes. All right. Now, make a wish for $2.00. And... Voila!
Now I'm sure you want more than just $2.00, don't you?
I wish for the new WordGirl Superkit with cape, helmet, and power pack.
Oh. So you like WordGirl.
Do I!
Well, have I got good news for you. Today, and today only, I'm granting WordGirl wishes.
Whoo!
Now, how would you like the WordGirl superkit with cape, helmet, and power pack and the all-new WordGirl Supersonic Jet Autographed by WordGirl herself?
Eh! Are you kidding me? That would be the best birthday ever.
Well, it can all be yours for the low, low price of all of your birthday money.
There you go.
You, are my friend, are free to go.
Yeah! But where's my WordGirl stuff?
Ho, ho, ho! What am I a magician? Supersonic Jets and Peking Duck take 24 hours. My friend. The WordGirl Supersonic Jet will be delivered first thing in the morning.
Stop right there, Smooth!
Zing!
Gleaming smile, Huggy!
Eh? Ah! Ah! Fling.
Ugh. We're stuck in a cacoon of hair gel.
That's right, WordGirl. I wish I could stick around, but I have to go spend the town's money. Ha, ha! Maybe I'll buy a gold pool for my new mansion. Ha, ha, ha!
Seymour Orlando Smooth, welcome to the show. What would you say if I told you I had the last dollar in town? And it could be-- Yeah--yours.
Hmm. Okay, okay. I'll play along. How do I get the last dollar?
All you have to do is give me, TJ Botsford, one more wish.
Well, my bright young friend, you are in luck. Because today, and today only, I'm granting wishes for the low, low cost of $1.00.
It's a deal! Here's my wish. That you set WordGirl and Captain Huggyface free.
Oh. Hmm. Oh, I don't know.
Huh?
Oh! All right. Wish granted.
No.
Take that, Seymour!
Hey!
Those handcuffs are the only kind of bracelets you'll be wearing for a while.
Handcuffs! Bracelets! Good one, WordGirl.
Wow. Thanks, TJ. And we couldn't have gotten this villain You really had him hoodwinked. And here's your birthday money back. [Hands TJ his birthday money]
How did you know about my birthday money, WordGirl?
No time to answer, helpful friend. Huggy and I have to go... Somewhere... Now!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WordGirl pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
