Wilfred quotes from Wilfred

Wilfred

Do I have a spare d**kfor? What's a d**k for?

Wilfred

There's darkness everywhere, Ryan. You just can't see because the sun is such an attention whore.

Wilfred

Wipe that smirk off your face and listen to this Kant.

Wilfred

Jesus, put down the bong and pick up a book.

Wilfred

So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy.

Wilfred

I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating

Wilfred

Look, you and I both know the paper swan can't actually talk to Bear, but if it helps Bear that's all that matters.

Wilfred

Everyone knows the great dane's preferred method of attack is to pin down and slobber on. Coincidentally, that's also Drew's preferred method of love making.

Wilfred

Bear stole that button off Amanda's coat. When Bear drinks he loses all impulse control.

Wilfred

I brought dessert! I found it in the most charming little French bakery's dumpster

Wilfred

Why do you think no dogs died in the Holocaust? Because we knew it was coming.

Wilfred

Ryan, you're buried under a box of secrets with a talking dog in a basement that may not even exist.

Wilfred

That's how long you've been down in your basement playing a pointless game with your neighbor's dog and his, well, Bruce

Wilfred

For God's sake, go participate in the most beautiful experience life has to offer even if it means looking directly into your own sister's slop hole.

Wilfred

Ryan, I know the timing couldn't possibly be any worse, but I think someone might have dug up Mittens and eaten part of the corpse.