Wilfred quotes from Wilfred

Wilfred

Ryan, I've always had your best interest at heart, and I've never asked for anything in return...except for a bunch of stuff.

Wilfred

I hope you're proud of yourself Ryan. I'm gonna be up all night licking Jenna's tears. Do you know what all that sodium's gonna do to my blood pressure?

Wilfred

I don't know what you're up to Ryan, but I've got my nose and ears on you...and my eyes too, I guess, but frankly my vision's pretty shitty.

Wilfred

You see what it says there? Participant. Do you think they give one of those to every dog who takes part in the competition?

Wilfred

We get it, Beans. We all know you got tasty balls. No need to flaunt it. Jesus, is there no limits to this guy's arrogance?

Wilfred

Oh typical. Won't even shlob this guy's nob to help a friend get steroids. You selfish prick.

Wilfred

I have a strict policy against taking any drug that's not illegal. They're never strong enough.

Wilfred

See what I did there? I got super tired, stopped running, and started dry heaving. I've gotta not do that.

Wilfred

I remember you, Ryan. Memory is like the Packers when they're behind by two touchdowns in the fourth quarter...it comes back.

Wilfred

Those idiots wouldn't know adorable if it cornered them in a holding cell and raped them with a plunger handle. That reminds me; Bear could you pick up a plunger before our next date night?

Wilfred

I'm an office dog. It's my duty to entertain and amuse, and if I can't do it they'll bring in some foosball table who can!

Wilfred

So you're just going to leave me in that thing? Like some guy caged up like some animal?

Wilfred

One man's trash is another man's feng shui. That's why I left that pool of yellow water by the southeast door.

Wilfred

How many innocent babies have to survive before we put an end to this senseless nurturing?

Wilfred

How did you scale that giant wall? That's impossible. Are you secretly some sort of magical other worldly entity? Cause I'd tell you if I was.