Apparently, there has been an anonymous posting about a "dead-eyed, lantern-jawed, one-and-done congresstard" who acted in a sexually inappropriate manner.
OK, well, that could be anybody.
Sounds like you.
Jonah, who have you traumatised? And start with the doctor who delivered you.
I haven't traumatised anyone!
Well, there's your aide, Emma Gray.
Shnozz? She's stuck up - I was just calling her on it.
Councilwomen Troy and Desconi.
Monster Tits and Monster Tits Junior? But all I did there was express some genuine concern that they have bras big enough to handle all that meat.
At the Congressional Prayer Breakfast.
Yeah. It was exactly what Jesus would have done. He's a man, too, Teddy.
OK, listen Jonah, if anyone asks, just tell them you've been chemically castrated. It's very easy to lie about, and believe me, nobody checks.
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