Alan and Charlie in “Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot”

OK, um, let me just start, uh, by saying I applaud the, uh, the gusto with which you approach life.

Thank you.

Um, that being said, uh, are you, um, out of your FREAKIN' MIND?!

Beg pardon?

You just could not control yourself; 'A female is in the house, she must be mounted!'

No, it's not like that at all, and why do you even care?

Why?! You ask me why?! I will tell you why: because every time you rut with any woman even remotely connected to my life, I end up suffering!

Oh, that's ridiculous!

Ridiculous, you say? Alright, alright let's look at the record. You slept with Judith's sister...

Well yeah-

At my wedding reception! You had more sex on my wedding day that I did!

That part's not my fault!

Ok, let's jump ahead. When Judith was divorcing me, who seduced and then abandoned my lawyer, causing her to take revenge on me?!

Hold on, that chick was nuts!

I lost everything!

To be fair, you didn't have that much to begin with!