Ianto Jones quotes from Torchwood

Ianto

You're right, he's back.

Jack

[laughs] I said so.

Gwen

Who's back?

Jack

What's he doing?

Ianto

Waiting, just like you said. He's been there twenty minutes.

Jack

Persistent.

Ianto

Good sign.

Jack

Dogmatic.

Ianto

Always a plus.

Gwen

Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins! Now tell me who he is!

Ianto

Rupesh Patanjali, he saw the Hitchhiker. He's the bodies-going-missing man.

Jack

Dr. Patanjali. We need a doctor.

Gwen

What, and you just let him follow you?

Ianto

Ask about Torchwood and most people point towards the Bay.

Gwen

Oh. [Jack and Ianto grin, she laughs] You bastards. That’s exactly what you did to me the first time we met. Well, sod that! I'm promoting myself to recruitment officer.

Jack

We need a child. 'Cause we need to test those frequencies. Find the right frequency, and we can find out who's transmitting.

Ianto

Where'd you get a child, though? I could find you lasers and weevils and hitchhikers, but kids...

Ianto

You worked out my little code, then.

Rhiannon

Dad didn't break your leg on purpose, you know.

Ianto

He pushed me too hard. He always did.

Rhiannon

Well, you should've held on tighter.

Rhiannon

What sort of civil servant are you?

Ianto

Unappreciated ones.

Jack

There's a saying here on Earth. A very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it; An injury to one is an injury to all. And when people act according to the philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the universe.

Ianto

Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is, you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off.

Jack

Uh, I like the philosophy.

Ianto

I gathered.

Ianto

Heh, he thought we were a couple, he said 'You two', the way he said it 'You two'.

Jack

Well we are, does it matter?

Gwen

Who's back?

Jack

What's he doing?

Ianto

Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.

Jack

Persistent.

Ianto

Good sign.

Jack

Dogmatic.

Ianto

Always a plus.

Gwen

Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

Rhiannon

Susan on the corner was in town and it was her anniversary so they went to that posh french place in town by the memorial and there was you.

Ianto

So...

Rhiannon

There was you...having dinner...with a man.

Ianto

So?

Rhiannon

Having dinner with a man...in a restaurant.

Ianto

So you have dinner with Tina.

Rhiannon

Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort.

Ianto

He's my boss.

Rhiannon

She said it was intimate. I said well he's had girlfriends, and she said, well no girl was getting her feet around that table. No chance! Have you gone bender?

Ianto

[looks at Misha] Misha's hearing this.

Rhiannon

She's not bothered. Her friend Shan's got two mothers. [pauses] Go on? [longer pause] You never tell me anything these days. Dad died that was it. You were off-you couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't. Did I?

Ianto

[shaking his head] It's not that. It's my job. It's... difficult. It's...[closes his eyes for a second and opens them again] He is very handsome.

Rhiannon

No?

Ianto

Now stop it.

Rhiannon

You're kidding me? Really though? Really? Christ all mighty! [pause] He's nice though, is he? Is he? Oh my...I mean, since when?

Ianto

It's weird. It's just different. It's not men. It's...it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is really, so...so I'm not broadcasting it.

Jack

Ianto! We're having a baby.

Ianto

Congratulations. Is now a good time to tell you I lost the car?

Jack

You did what?!

Jack

Whoa! [pushes a filling cabinet off of him] What happened? Was it the Rift? [runs out of his office] Gwen? Ianto? You okay?

Ianto

No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there, then.

Gwen

The whole city must have felt that! All of South Wales!

Jack

I'm gonna take a look outside! [leaves]

Ianto

[looks at a computer screen, stunned] Little bit bigger than South Wales.

[on TV screen] D'you know what? I look up, and there's all these moons and things- Have you seen them? Did you see them? [sounds of an audience agreeing] I thought, what was I drinking last night? Furnisher polish? [Ianto laughs]

Jack

[disaprovingly] Ianto! Time and a place!

Ianto

Eh...It is funny, though.

Jack

Gwen, come and see!

Gwen

[on her phone] Rhys, I have no idea. Just...stay indoors. And I need you to phone my mother. Tell her, oh I dunno, tell her to take her pills and go to sleep. I'm gonna come home as soon as I can. I promise. I love you, you big idiot. [hangs up, then joins Jack and Ianto]

Jack

Someone's established an artificial atmospheric shell. Keeping the air and holding in the heat.

Ianto

Whoever's done this wants the human race alive- that's a plus. Twenty-seven planets, including the Earth.

Gwen

No, but what's that? [indicates a red dot on the screen] That's not a planet!

Gwen

Three thousand miles, and closing...but who are they?! [Jack's phone rings. He answers]

Jack

Martha Jones, voice of a nightingale...Tell me you put something in my drink.

Martha

No such luck. Have you heard from the Doctor?

Jack

Not a word. Where are you?

Martha

New York.

Jack

Huh. Nice for some...

Martha

I've been promoted; Medical Director on Project Indigo.

Jack

Did you get that thing working?

Martha

[surprised] Indigo's top secret, no one's supposed to know about that.

Jack

I... met a soldier in a bar. [Ianto looks at him] Long story.

Ianto

[sharply] When was that?

Jack

[to Ianto, firmly] Strictly professional.

Gwen

Fifteen hundred miles, boys, and accelerating. They're almost here.

Jack

Where the hell have you been?! Doctor, it's the Daleks!

Gwen

He's a bit nice, I thought he'd be older.

Ianto

He's not that young...

Ianto

Uh, they don't work against Daleks.

Gwen

Yeah? [tosses him a gun] Well, I'm going out fighting. Like Owen, like Tosh. [loads her gun, then hands Ianto a magazine clip] How 'bout you?

Ianto

Yes ma'am!

Ianto

It's a Time Lock. The ultimate defence program. Tosh was working on it; Never thought she'd finish it, but she did. The Hub's sealed in a time bubble. Nothing can get in.

Gwen

But that means we can't get out.

Ianto

Nope. Not without unlocking that Dalek. We're trapped inside. It's all up to Jack, now.