Top Gear · Season 14, Episode 6
“December 27th, 2009” · Season 14, Episode 6
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (18), Richard Hammond (18), James May (7)
[During their drive through the rainforest it begins to rain]
[into walkie-talkie] Hammond?
[through walkie-talkie Yeah?
How wet are you getting in this rain?
[cut to Richard who is soaking wet from the rain getting through the holes in his Land Cruiser]
[spits out water before replying with mock casualty] No, it's not bad actually.
[attempting to waterproof their cars] Right. These are condoms...
Do you two need some time to yourselves?
[After emerging from the rainforest and onto a very rocky dirt road, James and Hammond's cars, due to poor suspension, are battered and clattering]
[in his truck, provoked] Aaaaagh, God!
[In James's truck]
[to his car] Stop it!!
[In Jeremy's truck, which hardly has any damage...]
[into walkie-talkie] Uh, just answer me this simple question: How comfortable are you two right now?
[In Richard's Toyota]
[into walkie-talkie, sarcastic casualty] D'you know it's absolutely lovely, it's like a big bed and mattress. I really am - oh, yeah! Relaxing. Yeah...!
[James's truck goes over a bump]
Oh! Jesus.
[In Jeremy's truck]
Have I broken James's spine? There'll be two Ted Nugents in a minute.
[Back in Richard's truck]
[desperately irritated] Oh, I'm so sick of that noise!! [to the car] STOP RATTLING AT ME!
[Cut to Jeremy listening to Will Young's Grace on his iPod, perfectly comfortable]
[On the "Road of Death", regarding the broken suspension on James' car]
James, I don't know about the rear suspension design on the Suzuki.
The shock absorber is traditionally attached at both ends.
[On the Road of Death, Jeremy with his eyes on a passing vehicle accidentally rams James despite being warned not to earlier on. Shaken and angry, James gets out with his machete and approaches Jeremy's car]
Sorry, I was...
[Overlapping] I was pretty f**king straight with you on this one, and now you're gonna get machete'd to death. [starts jabbing the blade at Jeremy's neck, half-threatening]
[fending James off] Don't- I was watching the taxi!
[interrupting] I did warn you! Did I or did I not warn you?!
[In Richard's truck]
[casually observing the spectacle] James is killing Jeremy... Yeah, thing's are going well.
[Back to James and Jeremy]
I was watching the taxi.
You weren't!
I was watching the taxi.
[Driving along the Road of Death in the dark, long since abandoned by Jeremy]
Hammond, I want to say something to you that I wouldn't say at any other time.
...What...?
...Please don't leave me.
[On crossing the Chilean border]
At the border post we were given the traditional welcome.
[At the border post...]
[from within] MY ARSE!
[On crossing the Atacama Desert, which is devoid of all life]
Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles!
I have a teddy bear. I've had it since the day I was born. One of its arms has fallen off, one of its eyes is missing, his head's come off more times than I can mention. To you it would be worthless junk, but to me it means everything, and it's the same story with this car.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
