[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Richard and James enjoy life under canvas; an Alfa Romeo waving its arms around; and Darth Vader, in a Honda Civic TIE Fighter R.
“July 6th, 2003” · Season 2, Episode 8
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (8), James May (7), Richard Hammond (4)
[on the Nissan 350Z]
[voiceover] Well, to be honest, I think it looks a bit of a mess. But then it would, because it's a Japanese car designed in America. And the head of the whole project was a chap called Ajay Panchal, who's an Indian. From Leicester. And the engine? Well, that's French. Incongruously, it's the three-and-a-half-litre V6 from the Renault Vel Satis.
[at the wheel] We've had fusion food before, but this is the first time that I've ever encountered a fusion car. Think of it as being a raw-hamburger curry served in a disinterested way on a bed of garlicky jus.
I could go very, very berserk at this point. But - two things are stopping me. One, the noise. It's driving me mad. And secondly, it was on this very road that the drummer with a band called Def Leppard crashed his muscle car, a Corvette, and as a result of that he now has to drive with a knob on his steering wheel.
[causing various bits of the 350Z's internal trim to rattle]
I've seen better build quality on an allotment shed.
The thing is that Nissan have now said, "Aha, but the car you drove was sort of for a, I don't know, a small market in the south of France or somewhere." The British ones, which are going on sale in...
'Bout, September, autumn sometime.
Yeah, September, October - are going to have better suspension, bigger fuel tank, different aerodynamics, better interior trim, traction control as standard - going to be completely different.
Which rather begs the question, why did they say "There's our new car! See what you think. It won't be anything like that, obviously, but there it is anyway."
It's a terrible shame Jeremy didn't like the 350Z - I wondered if he might be interested in the 350Z watch. It's a very large watch with a very small face. What do you think of that?
It'll probably go TICK TOCK! TIIIICK TOCK and be very heavy.
This is a true story and I am ashamed of it. I was driving along, Ford Galaxy, magnolia leather, curry on the passenger seat. A drunk bloke walked into the road. Instinctively, I braked. I saw the curry tip, I thought, "That's my dinner," I not only took my foot off the brake, I put it back on the throttle! Anyway, if anyone here is interested, I've developed a special new car sticker that says BHUNA ON BOARD.
[on the Volkswagen New Beetle cabrio]
All they've got to do is make it in the shape of a proper car and it'll be terrific.
[driving the New Beetle with the top down in the rain]
I'm not sure this was such a smart idea.
Why, do you think they just think we're a pair of screaming -
Well, exactly.
Yes.
What we want in Britain is a convertible car for sunny days, and a hardtop for the other 364.
[Commenting on the Audi A4 convertible] No, it's just not right. A diesel cabrio is like a supermodel smoking a pipe.
[testing the flappy paddle gearshift in the Citroën C3 Pluriel]
It's hopeless. I'm changing gear, right, I'm going to put it in second to go round this corner, that's OK, now I'm going to wait for third... and now it's changed. And I'm going to select fourth... no... oh! Now I've got it. [addressing the car] Wha - HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE ON?!
[on the Daihatsu Copen]
You're not going to get this, I know, but that car, it's small, it's silly, all it does is make the rest of the world massive. You know like the Incredible Shrinking Man in that film, where the telephone keeps getting bigger in his hand?
No.
All right.
But I'm sure it happened, I'm not saying it didn't happen, I just don't remember it.
OK, well, it's a bit like that. You sort of drive around amongst these massive road signs and huge hatchbacks, it's absolutely brilliant.
Can't say I noticed it myself, I thought it was all right, but, um...
[...]
It's not so much a car as a shoe.
I have three donkeys at home.
JKJodie Kidd
Do you?
Geoffrey, Eddie, and Kristin Scott Donkey. I do! I adore my donkeys. They are my life, they're everything. I just think they're fantastic.
JJodie
Very noisy.
Depends what you do to them.
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