“June 1st, 2003” quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Tonight: A Member of Parliament in our reasonably priced car; A nice relaxing smoke in a new Aston Martin; And a mad Jag, gone bad.

Richard

Roy James, who was the Great Train Robbers' getaway driver, was very particular about his Jag Mk 2s. He'd always steal a 3.4 rather than a 3.8 just 'cause he preferred the handling. Not a lot of people know that.

Jeremy

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everybody - have you driven this car?

Richard

I have, yes.

Jeremy

And what happened when you drove this car?

Richard

Well, I crashed it, technically.

Jeremy

Tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened.

Richard

Well, I was going round a corner, and the next minute I went round lots and lots of corners very quickly. Span it several times.

James

Actually, this is why it's called the F360, this model. Because you drive along and you go "FFF - !" and then you do a 360.

Jeremy

They said they were going to make a space shuttle...

James

Yes, a space station.

Jeremy

Yeah, well, they were going to build a space shuttle to get to the Rover space station.

James

The Rover space station would be fab, actually, wouldn't it? It would be dark metallic green, and it would have a grille on that would sort of appear every 24 hours as it rotated, and sort of glitter in the sky.

Richard

And a really nice, a really nice clock somewhere as well.

James

I have to say I'm very disappointed in it, because when I joined Top Gear I thought, "Here we go. French film festival, Kristin... " No. I've been invited to the opening of a car park. And it says, "Yes please, I would like to come to the opening of the car park. I will be arriving, A, by car; B, on foot."

Jeremy

This is Radio 1. Now normally that's like having a rusty screwdriver shoved into the side of your head. But I dunno, today I think it's fine. I mean, listen to this chap, he wants to bitch-slap his ho. And why not? Good luck to you, fella.

Jeremy

Let's try Radio 4.

[on the radio] Society has not always valued originality.

Jeremy

Ooh, it's Melvyn Bragg's philosophy show.

To what extent is originality about perception, rather than conception? And is originality a concept without meaning today?

Jeremy

I'm not quite with you there, Melvyn. I... I don't really understand the question.

Jeremy

I'm now playing what I like to call Fuel Light Bingo. The rules are very simple. You let the fuel light come on; then you let the needle go all the way through the red until it's bent like that [holds up crooked finger] round the bottom of the gauge. Then, when you see a sign saying "services 1 mile and 27 miles", go for the furthest one away, and when you get there, go past that one too. If you win, you make it home, the next day your wife drives the car, and she fills it up for you. I think it's a great game! My wife doesn't like it very much, but I think it's brilliant. If you lose, you run out of petrol.

Jeremy

[After stopping at John o'Groats at the end of the XJR test] Oh dear, I seem to have run out of country.

Jeremy

For the last few years, the DB7's been an aging rocker, still trying to cut it in a Coldplay MP3 world of Porsche 911s and foo-fighter Ferraris. But now, thanks to a cocktail of Botox and Viagra, it's up there with the best of them.

Richard

I think this reliability index, gets a bit weak here. Third most reliable make of car...Fiat. [audience laughs] I mean then it's got you know Honda, Volkswagen, Mercedes, Toyota, BMW, Volvo, all the people you'd expect, but in third place, Fiat?

Jeremy

What have they got as being the most unreliable?

Richard

Well this is good fun, because according to them the second least reliable make, least reliable make is....Subaru! Where did it go wrong? They're the most reliable cars imaginable!